Dear Abby,
I’ll admit it: I love juicy gossip. However, my boyfriend seems really turned off by my habit. I know they say “what goes around comes around,” but so far I don’t think my gossiping has created any trouble. So really, what’s the big deal?
Sincerely,
To Gossip or Not to Gossip
Dear To Gossip or Not to Gossip,
You’re not alone in this—we all gossip to some extent. There’s a lot of reasons why girls gossip. For one, we often compare ourselves to other girls, and when we gossip about someone else’s flaws, we can build ourselves up. Also, sharing secrets—even if they are someone else’s secrets—is a way of bonding with our girlfriends, or anyone else who is “in the know.” Lastly, a lot of us are just very curious about what it’s like to be someone else, and sharing gossip is a way to get insight into the details of another’s life. On the other hand, boys, like your boyfriend, are not so curious. The juicy details of another dude’s relationship, the some girl’s embarrassing rejection from a crush, the ugly pair of pants that your nemesis wore on a date… those things don’t apply to him and so he’s just not interested. The fact that you talk about these things with other girls just seems petty to him. He’s right in the sense that gossiping can be petty, and although you don’t believe it now, your gossiping may very well come back to bite you. Spread a few false words about a friend and you could wind up with some serious drama on your hands. But boys often care about different stories than girls do, so it’s understandable that your boyfriend doesn’t understand the appeal that gossip has to you.
It would be unrealistic for me to tell you to stop gossiping altogether, especially since that would even make me a hypocrite! What I will suggest is that you gossip very carefully. Don’t intentionally spread rumors, or anything that could easily be misinterpreted. Also, if you’re angry with a girl, instead of gossiping about her to a friend, just tell your friend you need to vent, and say what’s really on your mind. And try and find ways of building yourself up without tearing others down. Lastly, if there’s a rumor that’s too good to pass up, but that seems dangerous, write it down in a journal (a secret one, duh!). Really, it helps get rid of the urge to spread that juicy tidbit.
Sincerely,
Abby