Even on a campus as small as Brandeis, you probably have a friend that feels so distant. You enjoy each other’s company but somehow her friendship seems just beyond your grasp. If this is the case for you then you’re in luck, because this week’s guide is all about dealing with those friends in hard-to-reach places.
The Study Buddy
Who is she?
She’s in one of your classes and you’ve been studying together all semester. Whenever there’s an exam or problem set, you rely on each other to learn the material. You’re productive when you study, but you also have a good time. Midterms aren’t so bad when she is around. But the second your test is over, she’s long gone.
Why is she like that?
At this point, you have more of a business arrangement than a friendship. The unspoken terms are pretty clear: you only lean on each other for help in class. Period. Sure, you get along, but so far there hasn’t been any reason for either of you to build a real friendship.
What should you do?
Make your current relationship more casual. Study with her in your room instead of the library, or ask her if she wants to grab dinner with you before you hit the books. If she seems interested, invite her to watch a celebratory movie with you after you finally take that midterm. There’s a chance that she really is only interested in being your study buddy, so be prepared if she doesn’t make an effort to change that. Either way, don’t break off your study buddy partnership because that is still very valuable.
The “Friend”
Who is she?
You two are Facebook friends online, but it also seems like you’re actually friends online. You chat, you write on each other’s walls, maybe you even text each other. The only thing you two don’t do is, well, interact in the real world.
Why is she like that?
She’s either an acquaintance that you connected with online or an old friend whom you’ve lost touch with in reality. When you do interact in person, it feels like you’d have to start all the way at square one in order to form a friendship. But online, you both can gloss over that feeling of distance between you.
What should you do?
The truth is that while you will have to work on this real-world friendship, you’re not starting all the way at the beginning. You’re good conversationalists, even if only online. While it may feel awkward at first, just treat her like a real-world friend when you see her in the real-world. Say hi to her, talk to her, do whatever you’d do with other friends. Most likely she’s feeling the awkwardness too and will be relieved that you two can move past it.
The Renaissance Woman
Who is she?
The Renaissance Woman is really just a fancy term for “too busy for you.” This girl does it all—academics, sports, friends, music, boys, clubs, and community service—but lets your friendship slip through the cracks. She might really like you, but she also really likes a lot of other stuff, too.
Why is she like that?
She is legitimately busy. She bites off more than she can chew and never questions it. But she’s also very interested in what she does, so instead of stressing out and coming to you for support, she just plows right through her schedule and seems to forget you.
What should you do?
It might come down to her “penciling you in” to her BlackBerry calendar. But understand that she’s probably too busy to take on a new friendship. And don’t think you can change her and convince her to drop a few things. While you might think her schedule is stressing her out, she doesn’t, so that kind of critique will only put a wedge between you. Keep up your acquaintanceship because there may come a time when she is less busy and could make a good friend. She’s also a great person to go to if you’re looking to take on a new activity yourself.