There is no fixed technique that helps everyone, since we are each subjected to personal emotions. However, if you’re trying to get over someone, and willing to accept any help, here is a short guide:
Evaluate
- Is your situation what you think it is?
- Was there a sure dissolution of the relationship? Or is there a chance that the conflict will subside?
- If you break up continuously, it’s simply not meant to be.
No contact You can’t get over him/her if you’re still communicating regularly. No checking in or catching up (or whatever else you can call it) – at least not in the beginning. You need time and separation.
Give yourself a (small) timeout If the relationship is definitely over, you should show yourself a little kindness. I’m not advising you to pity yourself or mull over lost love. Not at all. That would be unhealthy and possibly dangerous. Though, you don’t want to completely deny your sadness, either. Here’s what I think you need:
- Acknowledge your situation; don’t fight it. If he/she meant something to you, it’s fated that you will be sad once things are over. Change is hard. It’s a long-winded process that needs time and effort.
- However, don’t let this sadness keep you in bed for weeks, eating saltines for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Don’t let it be an excuse. Just know it’s there.
Handle it After you let yourself hurt for a little while, you need to handle what’s left. There is no predetermined tempo for the aforementioned transition. But you should know when it’s time to confront yourself and move on.
Keep your mind off of it Get to the gym, pick up a new hobby. Improving yourself is always appropriate, and it’s also a way to keep yourself from thinking about him/her so much that you idealize the relationship.
Your ex isn’t the all-important element of your life Put this whole situation in perspective – of course, this is one of the final phases, once you can start being a little more rational. Don’t lose all hope about love, because it’ll happen again, and you will know for next time what you want out of the relationship; you’ll have learned lessons from the previous relationship that, at first, felt devastating when it ended, but now, is just another memory that adds to the way you navigate life.
*This article reflects the opinion of the author and is not meant as a reflection upon the student body as a whole.