Friends with benefits (FWB) are usually two people who engage in sexual activity without really dating each other. It is a great idea to try for those who don’t really want a committed relationship but also don’t want to hook up with multiple strangers; plus, it is sex without lots of complications. Well, you would like to think it was. Whether we like it or not, friends with benefits, which is meant to be very easy, no strings attached sex, can become very complicated. This is why I asked some individuals for their best tips and advice on maintaining a healthy friends with benefits so that no one’s emotions become collateral damage.
“Always be upfront and honest about what you want from this relationship”
Firstly, you and the other person in the FWB need to have open and honest communication. If one of you wants a committed relationship as an end goal, then it isn’t going to work. Always be upfront and honest about what you want from this relationship; there is no shame if you are just after someone you can call at 1am to come over and have sex with, so just communicate that with them. Having open communication from the start will potentially help minimise issues further down the road, which, sorry to break it to you, will most likely occur. Sometimes in an FWB dynamic, one person will only sleep with that person whilst the other may continue having multiple sexual partners. Neither is wrong, but it is something that needs to be spoken about. If you only want to sleep with your FWB, that is ok, but if you want them to only sleep with you, you need to address this. They will either agree or simply say that is something they can’t commit to, and therefore you both know to not waste your time. Talking openly about whether you are both still open to sleeping with other people is super important and leads us to our next tip (no pun intended).
“Caring for and protecting your sexual health should always be a priority“
Get regularly tested, people! Caring for and protecting your sexual health should always be a priority, even in a committed relationship. Always engage in safe sex, especially if it is hetero sex and someone isn’t on any contraceptive, but equally, just always engage in safe sex because who really wants an STD? As a rule of thumb, I always get tested between every sexual partner. So, when engaging in an FWB, I get tested every three months. Even if you have good open communication with your FWB, sometimes they may not feel they need to be open with you (FYI, take that as a sign to leave that relationship). Getting regularly tested when seeing your FWB frequently protects you from any STD you may catch if they are having sex with others. Equally, if you are also sleeping with other people, getting regularly tested can help reduce the transmission of STDs and get individuals treated before the disease goes further.
As mentioned above, though, if you are just wanting to sleep with your FWB and you want them to do the same, tell them this. Trust me, it can save you a lot of hassle.
“Boundary setting in an FWB dynamic is so important for many reasons“
Another key point of advice that was suggested to me was boundary setting. Now in relation to any possible single thing in life, I could scream about how important boundary setting is but obviously, for this article, I will keep it relational to sex. Boundary setting in an FWB dynamic is so important for many reasons. You can set boundaries with your FWB by discussing how you want to be treated during sex, what you like and don’t like, as well as checking in on their boundaries. Some nice cheeky boundary setting, right? Now let’s get to the ones that protect your peace of mind and emotions. The whole point of an FWB is to not have any emotions or attachment involved, but look, I’m human, you’re human, and they are also human (I hope), so it comes to no surprise that someone may catch feelings. Therefore, I love boundaries because they help reduce that chance. It may be contradictory to what I previously said, but you both do not need to communicate every single second of every single day! Talk when you guys are arranging to meet up, and you can then save the catching up, if you want that, for when you’re in person. Texting and talking to your FWB every day brings attachment because you know about their day-to-day life, so when suddenly you don’t hear from them, it could feel quite shitty. Now, you may be fine staying the night with your FWB, or you may find this doesn’t work for you. Whatever way it is, maintain this; if you don’t want to stay over because you think you may start getting attached, but your FWB really wants them to stay, simply explain why you have this boundary and that you’d like them to respect it. With that being said, always respect their boundaries as well.
Navigating an FWB relationship can sometimes be super complicated; there are no set guidelines on how to maintain it successfully. Be prepared that someone’s feelings may get hurt but following those tips can help reduce it. Always be open and honest about your feelings as your vulnerability will encourage them to do the same; if you are catching feelings, explain that to them as it may be time to draw a line in that relationship if they don’t feel the same. FWBs are meant to be fun and light-hearted, but just remember to have clear boundaries and get regularly tested!