When I was younger, I was a rhythmic gymnast. I represented my club at national and international level and had many medals to show for my success. By the time I had âretiredâ from my sport at the grand old age of 18 (yep, a gymnastsâ career really is that short) I was completely lost. Without these winning medals, how would I ever prove I was successful again? Part of me was convinced that I needed tangible objects to show my worth.
What I didnât fully grasp until I stepped away from the gymnastics was that this world was really a microcosm for our society. Ridden with constant competition and judgement, we live in an era where other peopleâs successes are thrown in our faces all the time. For me, one of the worst times for this is the Olympics. Watching those athletes, I canât help but feel small and unsuccessful, especially when you hear about the skateboarding prodigy Sky Brown, Olympic bronze medal winner at just 13 years-old!
Now itâs time to move away from all this negativity; itâs not healthy and itâs not helping anyone. I want to suggest that we can rethink what âsuccessâ looks like in a way that helps us to feel better about ourselves in day-to-day life. With exam season on the horizon, and many of us about to step out of university into different careers, it is crucial that we redefine our perceptions of success in the modern world. I have curated my own little step-by-step guide of what I like to call âhow to be successful(ish)â and I hope that you may find some of it useful.
Step 1: Dismantle any preconceptions of what success is âsupposedâ to look like
Thereâs no denying the all-consuming pressure to be academically successful in the world, especially with our current school-system. It involves getting good GCSEs, excelling at A-Levels, and going on to a prestigious university (preferably Oxbridge). The first major issue I have with this model is that it all looks so linear, and life isnât like this. At my secondary school we even had âflightpathsâ to plot termly assessment grades which reinforced this notion of an upward trajectory, leaving no room for grades to fall below this line.
I hate the way that this plane model also allowed no room for those who were not set to fly the path of academia; it really isnât for everyone. So my first âstep-to-successâ is to ignore any idea of a success model. These models are put in front of us by a system that treats us as machines rather than human beings. There is no formula to âsuccessâ and it is best to get rid of any preconceptions of this before beating yourself up when your life doesnât fit stick to a perfect trajectory. It should be allowed to rise and fall and then rise again because this is normal!
Step 2: Learn to accept being âgood enoughâ
This is probably the hardest step and one that I still get stuck on. We live in a world where almost everyone has some sort of perfectionist tendencies, whether thatâs in terms of their appearance, their academic work, or their fitness regime. Sometimes itâs all three of these! Again, going back to the problems with the education system, school is the place where we are subject to picking up these tendencies from a very young age. Constant examination instils a kind of competitiveness within us that is hard to ever let go of, while something like social media compounds this disposition by highlighting selective moments of peopleâs lives (spoiler alert: itâs usually only the good bits).
This leaves me to say that instead of leaning into this tendency towards perfection, we must accept being âgood enoughâ. You donât have to get a first on every essay, or even any essay, to be successful in life because success comes in so many different forms. We canât be the best at everything, so my advice would be to find something you enjoy and do it for fun! I chose my degree subject (English) because I love reading and writing and I have to keep reminding myself of that rather than beating myself up over the occasional disappointing grade.
Step 3: Embrace the untrodden path
As I have mentioned a couple of times, there is a general model that society has created as the âpath to successâ. But what if we break away from this and embrace the messiness of life? We canât all live the same lives and achieve the same things in the same order because the world would be a very boring place if we did. Instead, we need lots of people to be âgood enoughâ at things that bring them joy because this will create a happier community to be part of. Donât be afraid to take the untrodden path and break away from traditional routes!
I hope some of this has been useful (it has for me anyway!) and a good reminder that the path to âsuccessâ is rarely ever linear or easy. It may help to set small goals and focus on the small wins in life. Today I ordered a new phone charger off Argos because mine was broken, and Iâd been consistently borrowing one from a friend. I had been meaning to do for weeks and as soon as I did it, I felt better about myself. It was such a small thing that would never be measured on a flightpath of âsuccessâ but it still counted to me. It may not have been the same as winning a medal but Iâd ticked one thing off my to-do list and, honestly, thatâs good enough for me!
Remember to celebrate the small wins every day and not to judge yourself for the messiness of life.