Morning commuters were greeted with a truly shocking sight on December 16th. Outside the police station in Milan, a supposed anarchist, later identified as Giuseppe Pinelli, was found all over the pavement, which was grotesquely painted with his blood.Ā
(Image source: Liverpool Echo)
The police later explained that the Anarchist (refusing to use Mister Pinelliā€™s name) had been in police custody prior to his ghastly death. When pressed for further information, policeman Bertozzo explained that Pinella was “brought in for questioning concerning his involvement in anarchic activities.” When asked to what activities this referred, Bertozzo replied “The anarchist kind!”
At a later press conference, the Superintendent explained that mister Pinelli “Fell from a great height. Most likely the window of the room he was sitting in.” When asked for details on the incident, the Superintendent explained that the officers heard a “ruckus” from the interrogation room, which Pinelli was no longer inside when officers investigated, as he had already “fallen” out of the window. When asked why such an apparently dangerous man was left alone, it was explained that he was “Shackled to the desk. He was safely contained!” When asked how a shackled man could accidentally fall out a window, the Superintendent ended the conference saying, “It was accidental! This conference is over!”
(Image credit: MGN)
The incident has, until recently, been under the investigation of a private firm. However, in a shock twist, Chief Investigator Mani Ack has explained that the decision of what truly happened will be left up to a public vote!
This is a decision which the courts have deemed “Utterly ridiculous” but “Due to Mani Ackā€™s persuasive personality,” the public hearing is to go ahead as planned.
It was announced that the case, humorously nicknamed the “Accidental Death of an Anarchist” will be open to a public viewing at the Alma Tavern Theatre, Bristol, England on the 18th-21st April. Tickets available and required.
Maria Felletti
- Investigative reporter for The Tab
ā€‹(Article image credit: MGN)