With a growing awareness of the inequalities faced within romantic relationships, there has been a shift away from traditional modes of love, with many girls going what some may call ‘boy sober’ in recent years. This concept is the idea of girls and women facing a decline in their reliance on romantic love, due to an increased interest and prioritisation of the self, and a heightened awareness of the toxicity of the dating scene.
Girls talk. In fact, gossiping has historically always been a way to unite women and create a sense of social synergy. And this is no different in the modern day. Rapidly shifting away from the taboo of talking about uncomfortable experiences, the strong presence of feminist beliefs have created a space in which silenced voices can be heard, meaning that more women are voicing their own. By creating a chain reaction – meaning that, as more women talk, more women are keen to stand against the archetypal mode of the female, and the patriarchal pillars that uphold the dating scene, and life in general, women are moving away from men. This has spread simultaneously across the globe alongside feminism, with the development of movements such as 4B in South Korea. Women are taking a stand, with these radical feminist actions encouraging women to refuse to date, have sex, or bear children in order to address the patriarchal state of relationships, and envision and curate a future without men (because in the wise words of Cher, ‘I am a rich man’). Being in play since 2019, this movement has significantly lowered the birth rate, with South Korea’s fertility rate plummeting to 0.78 in the last few years, evidencing the legitimacy of this idea.
Growing ideas like this, alongside an increased focus on the self (because how often do you see a podcast on Spotify called ‘How to Become the Best Version of You’?), have meant that girls and women are delaying dating – refusing to waste their time, energy and recently mended hearts on a disappointing dating scene. To further this, the heightened awareness of the power of female friendships has come to fill the gap where traditionally men would have been placed romantically. Seeking support from your incredibly strong female alliances have curated a community of the feminine that women refuse to let men penetrate (both physically and metaphorically).
Additionally, the rise in dating apps often makes a mockery of romantics – being seen as no more than a fun and silly thing to laugh at on a Friday night while you watch Sex and the City with your girls. Often women on dating apps will be met with vulgar messages that imply or outright ask for only one thing. Not to mention, the combination of all feminist factors, from the protection and prioritisation of the self to a determination to hold your own without a man, has meant that women no longer see themselves as a sexual puppet to please men – and they know that they don’t need to please them in order to succeed in this ever-changing world of modernity (to a certain extent). This means that women are not taking men seriously, which poses the question of where do men and women even meet nowadays? Honestly, for most hopelessly romantic women, a Hinge DM is not quite the profession of love that one hopes for.
Women are not happy with the dating scene, because they know their place in this world is no longer accredited to by a man, when once-upon-a-time it was. So, we’ve become selective, particular of who we allow to enter, or re-enter, our lives. While yes, men in their 20’s are an inconvenient genre of human to date, women are no longer standing for the inconsistency and discrepancy of a romantic relationship that mirrors that of their 15-year-old self.
It’s understandable that women are now moving away from the unhealthy romantic culture of the past, and delaying dating and romantic partners until they prove their worth. But what does this mean for the future? Does this mean the decline of the traditional mode of the nuclear family, or families at all? Will women of the West take tips from South Korea, and participate in movements such as 4B? And if so, this poses the question of population control – what does this mean for the next generation? Should men take this as a sign to change their ways and stand with women? Finally, despite how many people love to say ‘it’s not all men’, is it really is enough to create national and global change?
Men, buck up your ideas.