The 25th of November marks the UN’s international day for the elimination of violence against women. The UN stated that ‘It’s not women’s responsiblity to end violence against women. It’s everyone’s. So, here are five things men can incorporate into their lives to help end violence against women.
1. Engage
Often times when I have found myself in a seminar or lecture about feminism, men who would usually attend university simply don’t show up. However, attendance to this would have been vital in educating the men on my course about the functions of patriarchy and gendered violence.
I have known many men who switch off at the mention of feminism, thinking it doesn’t affect them. This is untrue; patriarchy affects everyone! Therefore, it is men’s responsibility as much as women’s to engage in conversations about misogyny and violence against women. Whilst it may be difficult to relate to some aspects of a dialogue about gendered violence, engagement can be a simple as just taking a seat at the table and listening! From here, you can begin to take steps in your daily life to help end violence against women.
2. Education, education, education.
Educating yourself about the patriarchy and how gendered violence works wields a strong power in efforts to stop violence against women and girls. Often times, men can feel uneasy about engaging in conversations about misogyny due to a lack of direct experience with it. However, the labour of educating ourselves is something we all must engage in. This can be through conversations with women in your life about their direct experiences with gendered violence. It is also important to recognise that these conversations can be triggering for many. In order to navigate this, focus on building strong, open relationships with the women in your life, providing them with a safe space to talk about their experiences. A good thing to remember here is that google can be your best friend. If you don’t understand something, look it up!
Moreover, both fiction and non-fiction literature can provide a useful method of educating yourself about gendered violence. Fiction works includes The Color Purple by Alice Walker, The Handmaid’s tale by Margaret Atwood and 10 Minutes 38 Seconds in this Strange World by Elif Shafak. Whilst these books are difficult to read, as they often contain depictions of abuse and rape, they offer useful insights into the mechanisms of gender-based violence and how it can affect women. They demonstrate the power of storytelling in holding up a mirror to real-life issues and are also just great books! Regarding non-fiction, The Pocket Guide to the Patriarchy by Maya Oppenheim, The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks and Our Bodies, Their Battlefield: What War Does to Women by Christina Lamb are all great places to start.
3. Hold others accountable
Imagine: you’re at a bar with ‘the lads’ and your friend starts harassing a girl at the bar. She is clearly uncomfortable but he won’t leave her alone. He grabs her by the waist and tries to drag her towards the dance floor. What do you do?
A. Look the other way and hope somebody else gets intervenes
B. Tell your friend to stop and leave her alone
C. Leer at the girl and tell your friend ‘good luck!’
Hopefully, the answer to this is B. However, it is an all too familiar experience of being harassed by a man whose friends are not only passive bystanders, but actually embolden him to continue with his predatory behaviour. Men must hold their friends accountable to predatory behaviour towards women, regardless of whether it will ‘kill the mood’. This can be simple as pulling a friend aside and explaining why what he is doing is wrong.
Predatory behaviour towards women must become a social no-go, which means some of these conversations could be uncomfortable! However, if men don’t hold other men accountable, nothing can change. Solidarity and ally-ship is supposed to be hard and we all have a part to play in promoting change.
4. Hold yourself accountable
Especially once you begin educating yourself, it is important not to fall into the trap of believing that you can personally do no wrong. The patriarchy works in sneaky ways to enable violence against women in our everyday lives. Therefore, we can often find ourselves doing things that enable such violence without even realising.
Whilst engaging with feminist literature, it is important to apply these teachings to yourself. How do you react when a woman tells you she has been a victim of violence? How do you value women’s experiences throughout history? Reckoning with your own prejudice can be a difficult and uncomfortable process, but is is necessary in our collective effort to end violence against women.
5. Help keep women safe
Finally, a practical thing you can do to help end violence against women is be an active participant in keeping women safe. This can be as simple as walking your friends home at the end of a night out, or intervening if you are seeing predatory behaviour.
Women often form support networks in helping keep eachother safe. For example, groups of friends will have their location turned on so others can check if they have got home safe. “Text me when you get home” sadly is a phrase women use frequently before setting off on their own separate ways after a social event. Men can also play a crucial role in this solidarity, as keeping each other safe should not only be women’s responsibility.
Overall, the UN’s international day for the elimination of the violence against women is a reminder to us all. Gendered violence is still an issue that plagues us globally, and it is up to everyone to help in ending this cycle.