Sex on Campus: “Are You Into Threesomes?”

You know that moment when you’re working behind a bar at a festival, bonding with a sexy, rugged customer over cool musical acts that you’ve actually never heard of? You are all set to gift him with your number faster than you can say “Tent sex please” when he hits you with that timeless line: “My girlfriend gets off on watching me shag other girls. Do you fancy it?”

 

Brilliant. 

 

“Oh. Erm, well that’s very kind…”

 

“Are you into threesomes?”

 

“Me? Threesomes? Ha… well, sure! I love a threesome, me. Threesome’s my middle name, ha ha ha. Boy, if I had a penny for every threesome I’ve had…” 

 

It’s safe to say I’d be the same penniless student I am now. And I never said that – I just threw his change at him and ran to the other end of the bar. Partly because tent sex is unpleasant enough when it involves a mere two sweaty, unwashed individuals – let alone three – but predominantly because the immediate thought of it was petrifying. Two sets of genitalia all up in my grill? Two?! Not one?! That’s weird, I thought. Enough to kill a woman, surely. 

 

 

 

(Photo credit: TheTimes/Corbis)

 

It’s only now that I wonder why I was so quick to decline. Why was I so immediately compelled to dismiss it as weird? Of course, threesomes aren’t for everyone. It’s perfectly normal not to feel comfortable entertaining more than one person at a time in the bedroom (or tent). It’s just that my sexual interests aren’t particularly vanilla, which makes me question why I rendered a threesome-on-a-plate such an immediate no-go. 

 

The thing is, it’s only as I’ve matured in recent years that I’ve actually started to relish my sexuality. I’ve learned that I needn’t be so meek and giggly about the things that turn me on. Growing up, it was all a terribly hush-hush matter, because adolescent girls are never taught that embracing – and enjoying – their sexuality is okay. If you’re going to have a teen sex life as a female, particularly if not with a long-term boyfriend, then you better keep it under wrap. God forbid you should be branded a ‘slut’.

 

When I was in school, before I found my feminist feet in life, I know that my sex life was never about what turned me on. I was too conscious of trying to be what he wanted, trying to pleasure him, trying to live up to all the contemptuous standards that reduce young girls to self-conscious wrecks. Even amongst my girlfriends, we never spoke about what really got our engines going: anything other than simple missionary, cowgirl or doggy style was far too embarrassing. Rumours would spread about other kids engaging in kinkier business and we’d all put on a default display of comic repulsion – because if you didn’t, someone might think that you might be into kinkier business. What could be more embarrassing than that?

 

I guess that’s why I was so quick to turn this rather forward fella down at the festival. I never even stopped to think about whether I’d actually be interested in doing it. It was a straight up hell-to-the-no, because for a long time I was conditioned to believe that women who embraced a love for sex and a desire to get a lil’ freaky with it were somehow unbecoming. It’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve realised that to be a load of old bollocks – and I want more girls to realise it sooner. 

 

Some ladies might read this and think, “I don’t know what she’s talking about, I’ve been perfectly comfortable with my vegetable fetish for years.” And that’s great for them, but I know a lot of girls – generally my friends from home, rather than at uni – who would never care to admit anything even remotely scandalous because they’d hate to be perceived as weird. 

 

You are not weird. You are a girl with a sex drive and that’s terrific. Admittedly, there is no urgent need to shout wantonly from the rooftops about your vegetable fetish, but the point is that no one should be judged or made to feel embarrassed for wanting to try new, exciting things. 

 

So the next time the opportunity presents itself, perhaps I will see how I am at juggling two sets of genitalia all up in my grill. Sounds kinda fun.