Last week a momentous occasion in my life occurred: The-Night-of-the-Two-Booty-Calls.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of over two years. We’d had a great relationship and had ended on good terms. But for me, the greatest loss was the sex-less life I was now leading; I no longer had the advantage of picking up the phone, ordering my boyfriend over, and having a quickie before my next lecture.
If you’re judging that last sentence, stop right now.
As a stringent feminist, I’ve always been all for embracing your sexuality; it’s not about sleeping around, it’s about taking control of your body and doing whatever you want to do. If you want to have an active and varied sex life, have it. If you don’t, don’t. What you do in your bed is your own private story and no one has the right to tell you otherwise, especially if they want to slut-shame you.
And so when The-Night-of-the-Two-Booty-Calls rolled around, I felt ready to take control of the situation.
I wasn’t about to play coy, I wanted sex, and I had two guys in the palm of my hand ready to offer me the exact situation I wanted. However I also wasn’t going to change my evening for them. So if The-Night-of-the-Two-Booty-Calls ever rolls around for you, there’s a few things to bear in mind.
Don’t rush. If he wants to have sex, he’ll wait. I was at the pub, phone buzzing off the hook, but I wasn’t about to leave. I still had two more vodka-cokes to get through, and nothing was going to change that. I may like the peen, but when I don’t give a monkey’s arse about the guy in question, I’m not about to stop hanging out with my friends for him. Sisters before Misters.
Watch your feelings. If you know you want more from this guy than just sex, sometimes the booty call isn’t the way to go. Even I, as a woman firmly in control of her own sex life, can admit that it doesn’t always work out. Sometimes, and by no means all the time, guys just want sex. The situation only really works out if you’re sure that that’s all you want as well. For me, I was sure of that. I was just as happy using the guy as he was using me; I knew we were on the same page.
If you are thinking you need to change your underwear to the latest Victoria’s Secret matching set, don’t. If you’ve got a guy on the end of the phone begging for sex, your underwear is the last thing he’s going to be looking at. In fact, he’d probably prefer it if you are wearing none. Of course, it’s not just about that. Don’t change your underwear for anyone. The last time I ever had sex with my ex boyfriend I was wearing a pair of M&S’s finest black cotton granny-pants. They even had a rip across the top, pathetic frills peeling away from elastic-less cotton. And you know what, I didn’t care. So it wasn’t hard for me to apply the same logic here, he’s not worth that lacy red thong.
And finally, during The-Night-of-the-Two-Booty-Calls, just make sure you choose the right one.
Picture the situation, I’m walking home from the pub, two guys requesting my presence in their bed, feeling pretty proud of myself. I knew which guy I wanted, and made it perfectly clear to him. Then, for some reason he stopped replying to my texts and it was the other guy who ended up in my bed. Sure, it was fine, but that was all it was.
But when the deed was done, I checked my phone only to find out that the guy I was actually interested in, had at one point been outside my room, and had come over as requested, only to be rejected by my lack of reply.
Safe to say, I kicked the other guy out of my room quick as I could, moping. Though I will happily admit I did for a moment entertain the idea of making the bed and inviting the other guy back over…