Every day you can see guys hanging out with girls: conversing, studying, hanging out, it’s completely normal. So why is this everyday natural occurrence such a pain for the guy’s girlfriends to understand?
When it comes to your boyfriend, you’re probably the first to get territorial in most cases. Whether it is him attending a strip club, going to a party without you, or just talking with other girls. It’s a common problem us girls fight with everyday. This green-eyed monster comes out for a reason, and it’s because you feel threatened by whatever he may be doing. While talking to girls on campus about this common issue, most started off saying the same thing: “It wouldn’t be a problem with me if…” and the majority of girls reading this can probably finish this sentence…
“It wouldn’t be a problem if I personally knew the girls he was hanging out with.”
“It wouldn’t bother me if he invited me to hang out with them.”
“I wouldn’t care if the girl had a boyfriend as well.”
“As long as it doesn’t cross the line, I am ok with it”
Here are some tips to ease the pangs of jealousy that often occur with your significant other, and to help better your relationship:
- First we need to define the problem. It may be different for all of you. Are you fed up with your man texting other girls? Do you want some alone time but he wants to hang out with the whole crew? Whatever your problem may be, just know that you have to pinpoint it. Only once you figure out what really bothers you the problem can be solved. Next you need to decide if it’s a logical problem, or if it’s all in your head. Is he really being shady or are you just being possessive? If you feel your boyfriend is sneaking around, the best option is to surface your feelings and talk to him about it. Conflicts can’t be resolved if the other party is not aware of a concern. Be cool, calm, and collected during this process. Voice your concerns. If he cares he will do what he can to make you feel better about the situation.
- If you think this problem may be coming from inside your head (a nicer way to phrase jealousy), then look at it from this perspective: how would you feel if your man tried to control who you hang out with? Do you want to be taken away from your guy friends just because you are now in a relationship? The answer is probably “no”…no one does! Jealousy comes from insecurity, not a lack of trust! It’s normal to be jealous at times but for the good of your relationship, it may be better to bite your tongue. Some wise parting words from another Her Campus staff member, Jessica Kline- “Give it a chance and don’t get freaked out when Shrelonka (obvious name change) calls him crying about the guy who broke her heart or calls him with exciting news—you do the same to your close friends don’t you? Embrace the fact that your man is there for the important people in his life and don’t ever forget there is a reason you’re his main girl!”
Now here are some tips for the tips…say that six times fast!
Gain more confidence in yourself!
- Your boyfriend is dating you for a reason; you are beautiful on the inside and out! You need to own your inner beauty for it to shine through the outside and for others to notice. When you show you’re comfortable with yourself and have the upmost confidence that you are an amazing girl to be dating, your boyfriend will notice! This overall relieves the threatening feeling you get, and will make you much happier, with yourself and your relationship.
Have guy friends!
- If your boyfriend has friends who are girls, you should have friends who are guys! Having this guy friend relationship will help you understand your guy’s friendship with a girl. You can put yourself at ease knowing that the casual relationship is not a big threat at all and you’re able to have fun at the same time!
Become friends with the girl/girls!
- Friends are much better than enemies, and we all have room for more friends. Rather than building extra tension between you and his friend who’s a girl, make it so you’re able to get along. You don’t have to be the best of friends, but make it so your guy can bring you around her when they’re hanging out. Nothing’s worse than you unable to hangout with them if you two but heads. Your guy will be more into bringing you with him during their hangouts, leaving you less stressed about being left out. Another point is if you are crazy about your man, chances are you will be crazy about his friends! Give it a try!
Get more involved at work or school!
- There’s no better distraction than being busy! And hey, the less time you have for worrying about what your guys doing, the better for both of you. He won’t feel like he has a GPS device tracking him every minute of the day, and you will be involved with pro-active activities that leave no time for worrying or jealousy. Plus, getting more hours at work means extra money, and getting more involved at school means a better resume and a better you!
Any other tips you think we should throw out there? Leave a comment and let us know!