Now let’s be honest, just because you found your prince charming, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t come with some baggage. Trust is a huge issue in any relationship, especially a new one. All of the problems associated with trust usually stem from two things: emotional baggage and insecurity. These issues encourage jealous behavior which could end a relationship. When confronted with this situation, it’s always important that you look at HOW jealous your boyfriend really seems to be and WHY.
What do we mean by jealous? Well, is he calling and texting you every second of the day? Does he seem to come to you once a day with a problem? Does he make false accusations? Or is he just being protective of you? It is always important to draw the line between protective and too over-protective, as well as caring and infatuated.
Answer these questions for yourself. Does your boyfriend defend your honor, or does he spaz at any guy that looks your way? Does your boyfriend send you a message every five minutes if you didn’t respond to the last message in time? I’m sure we can all tell which extreme signifies a jealous boyfriend.
Baggage: A lot of people can be stuck in the past. If one girl cheated on your boyfriend in the past, your boyfriend might even suspect that you would do the same, leaving you with two options: to stay or to leave. Most of these baggage issues are easily fixed. However, only you can decide if it is worth fixing. Everyone has some sort of struggle that they’re facing. Staying and proving to him that you are better than the last girl and showing him that you will not do him wrong, may not ensure that all of the baggage will go away. However, you will be more trusted than ever and more highly prized in the relationship.
A lot of jealousy also comes from insecurity. Insecurity generally stems from a guy’s low self-esteem. If a guy feels like you are too good for him and feels intimidated, he will feel like other people want you too. Even if this is true, make sure he knows that he doesn’t have anything to worry about.
A little bit of jealousy can be a good thing. Allow us to explain via song: “Said you got me jealous of everything, because nothing loves you like I do. Tattoo on your waistline. Ooh what I wouldn’t do to be a permanent part of you”—yes, Her Campus just quoted Ne-Yo. Now here’s a translation: A certain amount of jealousy is good. You want a partner that wishes he were with you all the time, who thinks of you all the time. A small amount of jealousy only exhibits the love he has for you.
So some tips:
- When you’re out, show him that you’re thinking of him. Send him a cute text message, before he texts you, just to let him know that you’re thinking of him. This will ease his mind.
- If you feel like he is accusing you of something, remind him that he’s the only one you want. If he asks for proof, give whatever you’re comfortable with. However, DO NOT ever give him all of your information. Don’t give him your password, don’t give him things to check in on you. You can and should be able to prove yourself without compromising your privacy. Also, realize that if it doesn’t stop, some stains don’t come out, and some damaged goods can’t always be fixed.
If you’re dealing with excessive baggage and insecurity, realize that you need a boyfriend who is willing to move forward with you and not live in the past.