If you’ve ever watched any episode of The Office, you might start to realize that you and Kevin Malone share a little too many similarities. And if you haven’t already noticed this, then that just makes you more like Kevin than ever.
Note: Anytime throughout this article you read, “Kev,” I recommend you read that in the voice of Jim Halpert.
1. Food is like breathing, it’s necessary to have every other second.
They don’t call them appetizers for nothin’. Unless any of the food resembles a tree, or just anything green — we now know to avoid it! Thanks, Kev!
2. Everything you say has to be an announcement, even if it isn’t.
Why not have everyone listen to what you’re saying? Sharing is caring, and you never want to leave anyone out on important discussions. Thanks for always keeping us in the loop!
3. Pimpin’ ain’t easy.
es, ladies and gentlemen, that is, in fact, THE Ashton Kutcher. Looking your best is a given. You dress so well, all of your friend mistake celebrities for you. Poor Ashton, it’s tough not to look like Kevin Malone.
4. Honesty really is the best policy, so who cares if someone gets hurt?
I don’t know how we’d get through the tough times without you, Kev. You always know just what to say, at just the right time. Thanks for loving us, even when the rest of us can’t comprehend your wise anecdotes.
5. English is a great language for you
Your spelling is just… so KEY. Emphasizing how to spell is just another trait you can’t live without, especially when you’re upset. If someone does you wrong, hash it all out and challenge them to a spelling bee – you’ll be the winner, but might as well show off, right Kev?!
6. You keep your friends on track.
Thanks for never letting us down, Kev! Where would we be without your inherent knowledge? Lost, that’s what!
7. You never fail to tell it like it is.
Beating around the bush is just not a known concept for you. If you’re going to say something, might as well say it. No filter? Even better!
8. You’re always one step ahead.
Being a leader and on top of your game sometimes makes people intimidated by you. So, don’t be alarmed if you’re the only one starting a new trend, people will catch on eventually.
9. Everyone wishes they danced like you did.
Those moves…man, we can only dream to look like you someday! Please share your secrets with the world. Maybe it’s Maybelline? And what alluring fashion trends you start. I mean, seriously, tissue boxes for shoes – absolutely genius, Kev!
10. You’re quite the chef!
Move over, Bobby Flay! You really know how to bring everyone together, Kev, especially with your famous bowls of chili. Honestly, how would any of us stay friends without you?
All in all, Kevin Malone is essential to The Office, the world, and your friend group. Let’s just say, no Kevin, no friends.