By Clara Martiny
I’ve known my best friend, Valerie, for about eleven years now. The last time we lived in the same city was when we were in the 5th grade — since then, we’ve lived in different countries, gone to different schools, and met different people. We’ve been in each other’s lives through all the highs and lows, just not always physically. I have to admit that I wouldn’t be half of the person I am today without her support, but making our long distance friendship work hasn’t always been easy. However, it has taught me how to value my friends abroad and how to keep in touch with them, even when it seems like we’re so busy that it would be impossible to do so.
What A Long Distance Friendship Teaches You
Valerie and I on a beach in France in 2017. We try to meet up every summer for a couple of weeks.
Commitment: the one c-word that every young adult is kind of afraid of and doesn’t completely understand. Long distance friendships center around commitment, and being mature enough to know that a true (best) friendship isn’t just one where you send ‘streak’ pictures on Snapchat (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but if I have to see a black screen with a red ‘S’ one more time…). Rather, it’s one where you know the other person almost as well as yourself.
Through my and Valerie’s friendship, I’ve learned how to manage my time and balance aspects of my life such as academics, my social life, or activities. I’ve also become a long distance friendship master — however weird that sounds. Because I move around a lot, I’ve had to leave some of my closest friends in cities that I’ve loved (or hated), but I’ve always been motivated to keep up our relationship. I’ve found that there’s nothing more exciting than picking up your phone after a rough week or day and FaceTiming a friend who’s far away and just letting go and talking about everything and anything. I wasn’t kidding when I said I wouldn’t be half the person I am without my long distance friendships — because of all of them (not just Valerie!), I truly have matured, learned, and grown.
How to Make a Long Distance Friendship Work
Valerie and I in our natural state: laughter.
Okay, now that I’ve gone over the basics of why long distance friendships help you grow as a person (I apologize for the sappiness — had to get it out of my system!), here’s a crash course on how to keep up with a friend who is far away. Whether you’re a college freshman wanting to keep in touch with your high school friends, or a junior who just got back from the best study abroad experience, you’ll find that this might help you out as the distance between you and your friend grows.
Here’s another c-word for you: communication. You can’t really expect a long distance friendship to work out if you only talk once every couple of months. It might be hard at first, but try to establish some kind of consensus on how often you two want to call — weekly? Bi-weekly? — and try to set aside a block of time for each other. I’ve found that weekends (mostly because of the time difference, but if that’s not an issue for you, weekdays are great, too!) and video calls (FaceTime, WhatsApp, Skype) are the best. While regular calls are fine, it’s always nice to have a face with the voice you’re talking to. If both of you are just way too busy, then leaving each other voicemails or voice messages about your day or what you’re thinking about is always a go-to move.
Listening to my friends rant, celebrate, or talk about themselves once I have time has never failed to cheer me up or make me feel closer to them. If possible, try to be there for them when something big happens — break-ups, promotions, rejections or acceptances — because that’s when they need you the most. It might seem weird that you’re crying over the phone with someone, but at the end of the day, it solidifies your friendship because it shows that even if you’re not with them physically, you’re with them in every other way.
Trying to see each other (physically) is something I recommend doing as often as possible. Seeing each other once a month, once a year, or once every 3 years (I’ve done it before!), and doing activities together or just enjoying each other’s presence is refreshing. It might be a little awkward at first, because you might not have seen each other in a long time, but you will ease into it very quickly. In my case, I see Valerie every year for about 3-4 weeks during the summer and we’ve built the best memories from those times. I understand that traveling can be expensive and long, but try to find solutions, even if it means meeting at a halfway point.
Valerie and I in Frankfurt, Germany this past summer.
Finally, remember that all friendships have their ups and downs and being honest with your friend is the most important thing. It’s okay if you have weeks where you don’t talk to them because you’re overwhelmed with everything that’s going on. Take a step back and have some time for yourself, and hopefully you know that your friend is there to support you no matter what. As Valerie has said to me multiple times before: “Distance isn’t a big problem, it’s just a small inconvenience.”
Working with your friend to reduce that distance as much as you can will not only teach you to appreciate all of the people in your life, but it will also allow you to grow as a friend and a person.
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