Closure: Moving On From A Friendship Breakup

Last week, I was inspired to write about friendships (thank you, Taylor Swift)—more specifically, I wrote about how to recognize that it’s time to go.

A few of my friends reached out to me after the publication of that article, telling me about their experiences and how they related to what I said. Some were stories that we laughed over, and others were more heavy.

It got me thinking… There’s so much to reflect on when those ‘I should’ve seen it coming’ thoughts arise, especially when a friendship is truly over. Yet, the part we dread the most is the aftermath. What happens next? Where do I go from here?

In keeping with the theme of Taylor Swift’s Evermore album, let’s talk about the big ‘C’ word that seems so difficult to confront: closure.

Reflect on What Happened

When I say to reflect, I don’t mean to obsess over what happened, which seems to be my brain’s go-to. Instead, think about what happened and what came out of it.

Maybe boundaries were crossed, or perhaps there was just a lack of communication.

Whatever it is, I have found that just talking about it has helped me cope better in the aftermath. Something as simple as writing in my journal has helped me understand why a situation happened the way it did and how I feel about it.

Give Credit where credit is due

Listen, sometimes it isn’t our fault, and we really did try.

I’m definitely not saying you should always blame the other person, but if you genuinely tried to save the relationship—whether through communication, giving them space, or asking what you could do better—and it still fell apart, then you need to remind yourself that you did everything you could.

Accept that you may not get the kind of closure you want

Ok. You might be thinking to yourself, “Girl, the article’s title literally says ‘closure,’ what are you talking about?”

Yes, I see that, but I’m talking about a specific kind of closure.

Sometimes, we expect that one day this person will come to us and explain themselves. They’ll sit us down and give us the kind of communication that a good friend deserves.

The reality is, I’ve never gotten this kind of “closure.”

I do believe that we get closure, though. It’s the kind of closure that comes with time, an understanding within ourselves, lots of reflecting, and even more late-night FaceTime calls with your friend involving several “do you remember when…?” conversations.

It’s being able to let it go and continue marching on.

Know that everything happens for a reason

This is a hot-take, but it’s one I truly believe in. Every confusing and hurtful experience ultimately helped me realize that it needed to happen for me to understand or learn something.

Yes, it hurts. It sucks when you confide something vulnerable and personal to your friend and they put it on blast to others. But what can we take away from that? They are not trustworthy, and we won’t tell them anything anymore.

Here’s what I can say about what I’ve learned. Time will pass, and you will become a new version of yourself that this person won’t get to know or spend time with.

That sounds depressing, I know, but it’s honestly exciting. It’s a new chapter full of possibilities, opportunities, and people to meet. Sure, this person won’t be part of your journey, but there’s hope that this next chapter in your life will be even better.

The closure we seek after the death of a friendship comes from within.

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