Growing up, grief was like a foreign term. I knew the meaning, but not the experience. I was fortunate enough to have spent my entire childhood and early adulthood with three out of four of my grandparents in my life, an experience that is uncommon to many.
I went through some of the biggest changes in my life in the spring of 2021. I graduated high school and planned to move from Canada to Boston for my freshman year of college. At the same time, I found out that my grandfather had been diagnosed with cancer.
If starting a brand new chapter of my adult life wasn’t scary enough, now I was wrestling with the fear of what I was leaving behind. I made it a habit to call home and spend time with family on breaks as much as I could. But when someone is sick, there’s always that lingering feeling of, “Am I doing enough?”
Grief is a strange feeling because it can creep up on you, even before a loved one has passed away. I knew my grandfather wasn’t doing his best, but being so far removed from the situation as a busy student, I don’t think I realized how upset I truly was. Then, after a nearly two-year-long battle with cancer, my grandfather passed away in April of my junior year.
I remember being in the library with my roommate when a call from my mom lit up my phone. At that moment, I knew.
The following weeks were full of the stress of figuring out flights and reaching out to professors about missing classes and final assignments.
I didn’t have time to process the news I’d received until I got off the plane and saw my dad waiting to pick me up. It didn’t feel real until then.
No matter how long somebody is sick, we’re never prepared for the loss of a loved one. After a week of taking the time to grieve at home with family and friends, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go back to school. My grandfather had always been my biggest cheerleader. He taught me that being a good friend and never giving up, even in the face of great adversity, would get you far.
Dealing with such heavy feelings isn’t an easy task for anyone, but it’s especially difficult for young adults who are experiencing their first loss. Coming back to school was hard, and there are some days when it still is. Just like any Boston University student still learning their classes, I’m now learning how to cope with this great loss.
Not a day goes by that I don’t miss hearing his voice or seeing his sweet smile, but I’m so glad that I have these lessons to guide me through what lies ahead. Whenever I’m overwhelmed with typical college stresses, I’m comforted knowing that I have my very own angel looking out for me, as proud as ever of how far I’ve come.
Everyone is different, but never be afraid to feel all of your emotions, even the painful ones. It’s important not to bottle up feelings of sadness.
Reach out to your roommates, call home every once in a while, and look into grief support groups. There’s no “right way” to deal with grief. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, it isn’t linear, and it’s not easy. It’s about finding what works best for you.
Never forget how lucky you are to have loved someone so much. You’ve got this!
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