We’ve all been in sticky situations as roommates: how do I sexile her politely? How do I tell her I want her friends to leave when it’s 2 AM? Is she mad at me because I played Sam Smith’s new album on repeat last night, out loud? Whether you’ve been the recipient of roomie complaints or you’ve been dishing them out, there’s always a courteous way to go about these things. I’ve been living in a dorm since I was 13 — yes, you read that right. I went to boarding school, and even I continue to make the same mistakes when it comes to roommates. But I’ve learned my fair share about how to live in close quarters with your best friend, a stranger, or someone you don’t particularly like.
1. If your roommate wants to sleep, let her sleep.
I have always been the one to either fall asleep at 9 PM or stay up until 1 AM finishing work. When I fall asleep at 9 PM, I want my roomie to turn off her lights and be quiet, but when I’m up until 1 AM I get frustrated that she’s sleeping “so early.” The most important thing to do, however, is to be respectful. If your roomie wants to go to bed early, don’t make it so she can’t sleep. That doesn’t mean you have to go to bed, too, but help make the room a more relaxing environment by dimming your lights and just generally being quiet. If you decide to go to bed early one night but your roomie isn’t getting the hint, talk to her. Communication is key. She’s not a mind reader, and you shouldn’t expect that from her. I suggest talking about sleeping habits the day you move in so there’s no miscommunication.
2. Don’t sexile your roommate every other night.
If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend you’re obsessed with, or you bring people back to your room often — don’t drag your roomie into this. If it’s 11 PM on a Wednesday night, don’t make your roomie leave for an hour just so you can have some fun. This isn’t fair to her, and it won’t help foster a positive environment. Again, I would suggest you go over this the first week of living together and if you have a choice of who your roomie is going to be, pick someone who wouldn’t do this to you.
3. Just because your favorite food is curry, doesn’t mean your room has to smell like it.
If your roomie is sensitive to smell or doesn’t share your taste in food, don’t stink up the room with takeout. Now, if you have similar tastes in food or if your roomie isn’t bothered by the smell, that’s great! Just make sure you’re both on the same page. A smell can completely alter the way a room feels and you wouldn’t want to make your roomie feel uncomfortable in her own home.
4. Don’t force your roommate between a rock and a hard place.
For example, if you have alcohol illegally in your room but your roommate doesn’t drink, don’t make her feel uncomfortable by drinking or swearing her to secrecy. Try to work out a compromise in the beginning of the year that makes both parties happy.
5. Keep your stuff on your side of the room.
If you tend to lean towards the messier side, make sure that your stuff doesn’t take up more than your share of the room. This will most definitely make your roomie resent you and it’s just not polite.
6. Your roommate doesn’t have to be your best friend.
Just because you’re best friends with someone doesn’t mean you are going to live well together. This is something I learned in high school because everyone would want to room with their friends, but by the end of the year they weren’t always friends. You can get along so well with someone, but they might like to stay up until 4 AM playing guitar while you would much prefer to clock out at 10 PM in a silent room. However, if you and your bestie get along well and live well together, that’s great and you’re getting the best of both worlds.
Living in such close quarters with someone for the first time can be difficult, especially if it’s a stranger or someone you don’t particularly get along with. But communication is key and it will help foster a comfortable environment for you both to live in. Make sure you’re on good terms with your roomie the first week by establishing what you like and what you don’t like — but don’t be a dictator. Learn how to compromise!
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