College is a constant grind. One day you’re watching Netflix when you really should be writing that essay, and the next day you’re interviewing for the dream job that will support you as you learn how to adult. And sometimes that grind is great—impressive, even. But sometimes, we just have to say no. No to our friends. No to that job. No to that essay (in the name of self-care, of course). It can be hard to say no, especially when remembering Jim Carey’s stellar performance in the movie Yes Man. But for the sake of self-care and self-preservation, we must endeavor to do so. These tips and tricks will guide you in your “No Woman” (ha, get it?) adventures.
- Don’t bother being busy.
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Be productive, not busy. It’s important to choose activities and projects that are meaningful to you. You don’t need to dedicate your time and energy to everything possible—you can’t and you shouldn’t be expected to. This is often lost in our current individualistic “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” society, and even more so in a campus that wants us to achieve greatness. But sometimes saying no can be the only way to get there.
- Say it clearly.
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Don’t beat around the bush—especially when it’s something you don’t want to do. I suggest keeping it simple, firm, and direct. This change can be as simple as saying “I don’t” rather than “I can’t.” According to a 2017 article posted in the New York Times, replacing “I can’t” with “I don’t” signals that you have established clear boundaries for yourself.
- Prioritize.
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Anything worth doing is worth doing well. If you’re choosing to dedicate your time and energy to a particular idea, group, or project, then do it well. That’s the only way we learn. And you can’t learn or try your best if your mind is being pulled in a thousand and one different directions. Choose what you care about and stick with it. You don’t and shouldn’t need to apologize for that.
- Recognize that everyone is doing it.
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Everyone—and I really do mean everyone—has had to say no at some point. Even your friend who seems to be doing everything has said no. Once you realize that, it’s much easier to accept that you can say no too. And no, you won’t hurt anyone’s feelings.
- Remember the phrase “No, but…”
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We fear missing out. We fear that another opportunity won’t come along. We fear saying no even when we can’t say yes. At least I know I do. However, whether you’re staying in from a night out or turning down that job you no longer need, reframing the “no” can go a long way. Telling your friends you can’t go out? Try saying, “No, but are you free for coffee sometime?” Telling a hiring manager you can’t accept a position? Try saying, “No, but thank you for your time and dedication.” If you’re nervous about using this strategy, try it when the stakes are lowest.
- Last but not least, it’s okay to say yes.
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If you feel in your heart that it’s the right thing to do, you can say yes. It’s okay to try it out. We should be saying yes to new, interesting, and valuable opportunities.
Remember these tips and tricks the next time you’re at Splash or the next time you’re walking on Comm Ave and someone wants you to take that piece of paper you don’t need or want. Try it out! You’ll never know what you can achieve when you say yes to saying no.
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