An Open Letter to My Teen Mom

My mom gave birth to me when she was 19-years-old. I am 19, about to turn 20 in a little over a month and I couldn’t fathom having a child at this age. With 24% of teenage girls getting pregnant, many of us know someone who is a teenager that is pregnant or someone who had a baby when she was a teenager.  

There is a stigma associated with getting pregnant young. Young moms are irresponsible, dumb, careless, unprepared, stupid… the list goes on. I know plenty of my friends who have children that are amazing mothers (and fathers) that don’t fit any of these stereotypes. However, statistically, young moms do have it harder. It is more financially difficult to get the resources they need, they often do not complete school and sometimes even lack support from their family members and the baby’s father. 

 My mom was determined to break those stereotypes. She graduated from the University of Illinois Urbana Champaign in three years with me in tote. She took me to class with her and did not rely on anybody else to take care of me. I was her responsibility and she owned that 100 percent.  She went on to pursue her master’s degree in education and finally landed a teaching job (where she still works to this day) when I was 5-years-old.  It was not easy for her, but she did it. 

 I understand she had opportunities awarded to her that some young moms do not have. Fortunately for her, she was already in school so it made sense for her to continue on that path, despite the difficulties of raising a child. 

 My mother and I essentially grew up together. She was figuring herself out as a teenager and young adult, all while showing me the ropes and helping me navigate life. I witnessed her mistakes and heartbreaks. I watched her learn and she watched me grow. She turns 40 this year and it’s emotional for her, and me as well. I’m no longer going to be a teenager and I have surpassed her in the fact that I did not have kids when she did. She did her job and now I have to take the knowledge she has given me and create my own story.  

I appreciate my mother and our relationship. We have been very close because we only had each other. I have always been protective of her. She’s my world. She always encouraged open conversation about her life because she did not want me to make the same mistakes she did. Because of that, it was always easy to tell her about my life because I know she just wants the best for me. We have a transparent relationship and I believe it is because we are relatively close in age. 

Although I am writing about my mom, my dad played a part, too. It is hard to know your truth when you have young parents because they are still learning life themselves, so not everything makes sense.  They’re kids themselves just like the kid they are raising.   

To this day, there are things my parents do not agree on about my childhood.  It is difficult when I just want to know my truth. As an adult, I have to believe what is in my heart to be true. I love my mom. And I love my dad even though they did not always get along. My dad played his part and helped my mom where and when he could. He graduated college and joined the army.  Now, he has a stable career in law enforcement. 

 I love my parents. They are young and it’s great. They were born in the 70’s and went to college in the 90’s. I got to meet all of my grandparents and the majority of my great grandparents. It has always been easy to talk to them about my life because they understand.  

 I want to tell my mom thank you.  For doing all that she did to make sure I was taken care of. When young moms find out they are pregnant, they decide between three options: keep it, give it up for adoption, or abort it. Honestly, I would have probably gone with the latter if I was in mom’s shoes, but she did not.  She sacrificed her youth so I could have a fulfilling life. It takes a selfless, strong person to do that and I admire her for it. 

 I want to tell my dad thank you and I’m sorry.  

 Be thankful for your parents. I hope anybody else who had teen parents can relate to what I am saying. It is a different kind of relationship, but it is definitely one I wouldn’t change.