Hey, do you want to get coffee sometime? Chances are, youâve gotten a text like this from a guy. Maybe youâve liked him for a while, or youâve just met and youâre testing the waters with him. What could this possibly mean? Donât panic, this is a typical guy move. He is instigating a soft date.
Before we go over your next move, letâs discuss: What exactly is a soft date? Urban Dictionary defines a soft date as âtesting the waters of dating.â Itâs a non-committal way to feel out what an official date with someone would be like. The key to a soft date is its ambiguity, it could be a date or it could just be two friends hanging out. On a soft date, neither party acknowledges what their intentions are, itâs more so a matter of guesswork. A true soft date will be a casual outing, getting coffee or frozen yogurt are popular requests, but on occasion, soft dates can be as serious as going to a movie.
To know what to do next, you have to understand why heâs instigating a soft date. In my experience, there are two general categories of rationale. The first is that heâs shy or nervous to ask you out directly. He might be thinking that youâre not interested in him so heâs trying to send you a signal about his feelings. This will most likely (not always) be the case if you have been friends for some time beforehand. The second category is that he isnât interested in anything serious. This type of soft date request can be far more problematic, and even manipulative. He might just be looking for something easy so he doesnât have to define your relationship. Intentionally or not, this kind of behavior can cause a lot of stress and anxiety â which is not the right footing for a positive relationship.
So, whatâs the move? If you want to test the waters of a relationship you can go along with the soft date, thereâs no problem with that, especially if youâre just getting to know him. In my experience, the best way to combat soft dates and their ambiguity is to be upfront with him. No guy is worth losing your mental health over, and directly asking him âIs this a date?â will undoubtedly save you unnecessary anxiety. A healthy relationship is built on honesty so asking him to clarify his intentions will strengthen your relationship. I understand that being so direct can be scary, but if youâre looking for a relationship with a guy, sometimes you need to take matters into your own hands. Rejection sucks, but if he says no, heâs the one thatâs missing out.
Put yourself out there, people will like you; sometimes it just takes time.
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