We often find ourselves pursuing a truth we don’t feel connected to, even though we want to. We lie to ourselves, thinking our lives will be better this way – we will be better this way.
I’ve witnessed and experienced this first-hand, and feel nothing but sympathy for individuals who are not yet individual. I know how compelling it can be to become someone else, but I want to assure you of your worth. You feel so separated from yourself because society’s cyclicity and insecurities have suppressed your beauty.
Adults bring up the idea that insecurity is the root of all hate, sometimes as early as elementary school. Still, children may not begin to grasp the accuracy of this psychology until they grow up. Our entire personalities and perspectives on life are formed as a result of our experiences.Â
Imagine this: You’re surrounded by people whose conversations are superficial and seemingly automated. You want their approval so badly. At this point, you aren’t entirely sure who you are, but you know you can’t show them your true self. They obsess over boys who disrespect them, girls they barely know, academic achievements, and disappointment with their physical appearances that you look up to, in turn making you feel worse about yourself.
These people are unhappy with who they are and they plague you with the common illness of insecurity. Of course, you’re going to feel desperate and alienated if you’re not giving yourself the chance to expand, being so restricted by thoughts you constantly encounter.
Some may read this and assume I’m expressing this out of my own boredom or sanctimoniousness, and I am. I advocate for the happiness of those who cannot comprehend why they don’t feel content with themselves after all they’ve done, the yearners who don’t yet know, but want to know, what the meaning of their life is. I believe attempting to discover it will drastically improve your existence.
I can tell you now that there is a cure: simply sit down and think about it. You can help yourself to the extent that you can understand yourself, which is also the extent to which you want to be helped. You are your own most valuable supporter.
It is rare to meet people who have healthy relationships because of how little people understand themselves. Although many seek this understanding, they may struggle to take the time to evaluate who they’re friends with or who they’re dating. Instead, they lose themselves, along with their boundaries and standards, while attempting to fit the idea of a person they’ve created in their minds.
You enjoy the temporary thrills certain people provide you, the entertainment, or for the most disheartened, the status. What do they provide for you emotionally? Or even spiritually? Is this someone that makes you feel happy in your skin? Is this someone who makes you believe you’re on the path of self-fulfillment?
The spiritual meaning of the word “idleness” was recently explained by a professor during one of my lectures, as mentioned in a poem titled “To My Sister” by William Wordsworth. It may seem hyperbolic, but it genuinely resonated with me. The final stanza reads:
“Then come, my Sister! come, I pray,Â
With speed put on your woodland dress;Â
And bring no book: for this one dayÂ
We’ll give to idleness.”
In the poem, “Idleness” refers to a vacant mind and a way to develop self-awareness while surrounded by nature. In other words, meditation!
It’s important to give yourself moments to be idle. In clearing your mind, your most suppressed, underlying thoughts are revealed, and you will remember who you are. You will be taken on a journey to your memories that will remind you of emotions you forgot you felt. You will soon be able to see through the eyes that pierce you and learn to eat from your own hand.
This alone, however, is not enough to change. You need to pursue what you truly want. You can’t meditate once and assume you are suddenly enlightened. You must do yourself the favor of restoring your individuality.
When you live in the moment, time passes quickly and your opportunity to change can disappear in an instant, so you must be intentional in deciding who you are and where you want to go.
Sit and think about why certain people you spend time around elicit self-doubt and dread. Sit and think about an activity that used to make you happy that you don’t do anymore. Sit and reflect on your hobbies and virtues that you believe define you. Only then will the most unbothered, capable, self-assured version of you emerge, and you will find love in the most simple but heartwarming places.
You are more than you’ve been convinced to believe, and knowing that will make you infinite.
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