All this talk of Valentines Day has started to churn my brain a little, and I’m starting to wonder, why do we love Love?
Lets begin with the obvious – the biological reason. There’s that little fact about needing the opposite sex for reproduction to, you know, keep up the human race or something. We are biologically predetermined to be attracted to a potential mate, in order to reproduce.
So this might explain sex, but does it really explain love?
I don’t think so. It certainly doesn’t explain the love that the LGBTQ community might feel, where even though there is not a biological pull to reproduce, they are still physically and mentally attracted to someone. So why do we feel like we need to seek out love, and why does it seem unacceptable to just grab any old person off the street and call them your life long mate? They all have the same capabilities to reproduce as the next guy, right?
First off, if you picked just anyone off the street and decided to live with them for the rest of your life, you’d probably go insane. So there lies the idea that we need to be compatible, and therefore like, the mate that we choose. But once again, a complication occurs. Why can’t we like multiple people and have multiple mates? Or further yet, why can’t we all just be happy living alone forever (forget about that whole reproducing thing for the moment). I know it seems crazy upon first thought, but think about it, why does our society only accept monogamous relationships? Is it the ethics that is embedded within us from birth? From our family, our culture, or maybe even our religion? Or is this our natural state?
I have to argue that it must be a combination of both. Let me explain.
When you finally do find the person that you have the capability to love, you feel a certain connection to them that boosts your own self-esteem and well-being. You may feel protected, safe, and most certainly well liked, and therefore, better about yourself. Love is somewhat selfish in this sense, so reason one why we seek out love? For our own selfish pleasure.
When you love someone, you also seem to have a certain connection that triggers a protection reflex in your brain. This is why humans tend to be monogamous creatures – because we have these awful things called “feelings” that we protect in ourselves and the ones we love. We often defend those that we love – whether it be a significant other, a sibling, a parents, or a friend. This biological reflex is a result of the chemical reactions in your brain that we call “love.” So reason two why we seek out love? For protection.
But what happens when you fall out of love with someone? Maybe you had a big fight, or they did something that is unforgiveable? This is where our culture, ethics, etc. comes into play. In addition, it is not acceptable in our society to cheat on our significant other, because it hurts their feelings. Our culture accepts only monogamous relationships because we feel that they are the most rewarding. Monogamy is order, and this is why our culture reinforces it. If it was socially acceptable to have multiple relationships and multiple partners, the world would be chaos and STIs would spread faster than a funny meme on Twitter. So reason three we seek out love? For social acceptance.
This is an uncompleted list. I have only just scratched the surface of the messy, complicated nature of love. But with all of this lovey-dovey roses and champagne floating around, its good to know that the reasons for the emotions we are feeling are identifiable, and that we are not alone in feeling them.