Fake smiles, overzealous cheers, and promises of sisterhood. A room filled with glitter decorations and high heels did not bring me the support system I imagined it would, and I can’t help thinking that I had done it all for the wrong reasons. I went into recruitment partially because of the number of times I was asked: “Are you in a sorority?” It seemed like a place to meet new friends and explore a different aspect of campus, and I was not opposed to it.
Sorority Recruitment weekend was uncomfortable, to say the least. Being trapped in a windowless room with 600 girls who were sitting nervously while they waited for the next item on their agenda was not really my idea of a perfect Saturday. Their hair and makeup were pristine—at least, that’s what we told ourselves that morning before we left the comfort of our bedrooms. The rooms where nothing else mattered. Where you did not have to be a part of something because the only thing of major importance was the elevated plush surface where you lay your head down at night. Here and now, it was showtime. We were all supposed to put our best foot forward and “trust the process.”
It is safe to say, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. My parents were totally unversed in the whole Greek Life thing, and I never had any older friends to tell me about it. Still, this was my sophomore year, and I knew a thing or two about what to expect after hearing about it for a year. The whole experience felt controlled, like the end product was already decided before I even walked in. It was like pretending to be the most perfect version of yourself for 12 hours straight. And trust me, no one is ever as perfect as they seem.
By the end of that year, I was an initiated sister. I went to sisterhood events with clusters of girls who did not know a thing about me in this group I was supposed to feel at home with. I helped raise money for our philanthropy event, and no one knew it. I even earned an officer position, which during my short term was met with constant criticism and control from others who thought I was not doing a good job. There was an extreme lack of trust and disrespect. I felt used. I was confident in my abilities, and I had achieved a lot in college so far. I am not a timid person. I have spoken in front of crowds of 1,000 people and have no fear even when in the most intimidating interview room. For some reason, being a part of this organization broke me down. It made me feel the opposite of success. It felt like knives at my throat. Like there was someone waiting to start a rumor about me or tear me down. It made me feel anxious like I never had before.
I did not know who to trust anymore, so I reverted back to the person I could always rely on: myself. I made the decision to disaffiliate, and as soon as I did, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I do not doubt that sororities are great places for some people. I am sure that for some girls, they make college an amazing experience. For me, I needed more. I was not getting what I was investing in it. My valuable time and money were not going to something that would positively impact my future. I could not see myself trying to recruit girls for a group I did not believe in.
I can honestly say that since my decision, I have felt at peace. I am taking the time to be proud of myself for my accomplishments instead of feeling like I have something to prove. I do not regret anything about this journey, but I sure learned a lot. When I think back on it, I wonder if all of my memories in the sorority were fake. The truth is I do not really know anything about these girls. We had been “sisters” for less than a year. I could not possibly have known that I cared so deeply for these people in that short amount of time.
I remember the person I was before going through sorority recruitment, and I really liked her. I was not concerned with paying dues, attending mandatory events, or what I was going to wear to the next mixer. Besides, there really is no such thing as the ideal “sorority girl.”
Want to keep up with HCBU? Make sure to like us on Facebook, follow us on Instagram, check out our Pinterest board, and read our latest Tweets!