Why I Hate Christmas Shopping

The holidays are officially upon us, and we all know what that REALLY means – time to gulp down a Venti, put on your big-girl pants and elbow your way to the front of the line at Forever 21. It’s Chrismas shopping season, y’all. And while there are plenty of reasons to enjoy the season (Mariah Carey being acceptable to listen to again, etc. etc.), shopping for gifts is not always one of them. Here are my five least favorite things about Christmas shopping.

1. The Expectation. We all know that one friend/family member who just GETS IT. She is the ultimate holiday shopper. You can already hear the chorus of “awwww” as you open the most perfectly thoughtful gift that she has picked out for you. Suddenly, the Starbucks gift card you picked up on the way to the party seems inappropriate.
2. The CROWDS. This one kind of goes without saying, but for us claustrophobes this is the worst part of the holiday shopping season. Unless you have a schedule that allows for a trip to the mall at, like, 7 AM on a Monday, you’re kind of screwed. The long lines, the children screaming as their moms try to corral them, and the effed-up clothes racks are too much for my fragile constitution. 
3. The Jesus Freaks. Yes, I understand, it’s CHRIST-mas, Jesus is the reason for the season, etc. etc. If you knew how many nativity scenes are currently displayed in my house, you’d probably back off a little. Sometimes, though, these people will hang out outside malls and other shopping centers. Really, kids? The mall is no place for the Lord.
4. The Weird, Secular Holiday Decorations. In recent years, malls have decided that creepy, secular decorations would somehow be less offensive than the typical red and green. Personally, I’d prefer candy canes and tinsel to the nightmare-inducing baby doll ornaments my local mall decided to hang on their tree. 
5. Awkward Secret Santa Exchanges. Somehow I always end up with the ONE person who I know the least. Do I go for the classic Starbucks gift card or Michael Buble Christmas album? Do I stalk their Facebook profile, searching for a “like” or “interest” that could lead me in the right direction? How much do they expect me to know about them before I cross the line from “thoughtful” to “creepy”? Too many questions, not enough answers.  

• Christmas shopping