For a long time, I’ve tried to ignore that my insecurities and lack of self-esteem were part of a bigger picture. I came from a loving family, grew up in suburbia, and generally had everything that I needed. Yet, when it came to navigating relationships, especially romantic ones, I always felt scared and alone. I’ve discovered that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), but you know what? That’s ok.
My anxiety is my frenemy; she’s there for the times I need her, but backstabs me when I’m not looking. This causes problems like self-doubt or self-sabotage, all because I don’t believe in my ability to work through life’s difficulties.
While the thought of commitment and relationships doesn’t scare me, being in love does. What is love even constituted of? How are you supposed to act? For some, love is a curse. Love tests you mentally, it pushes you out of your boundaries and comfort zone. It’s confusing and exhilarating, simultaneously. For me, it makes me feel like a brand new person, and these new feelings are difficult to deal with.
But, as young women, we tend to avoid words like, clingy, anxious and insecure. We want to keep our chill, matching the same wavelength as our love interests to not scare them away. However, I believe passion is a gift that not everyone can experience. To care so deeply about someone or something brings excitement and life. Of course, it can be scary at times, but this feeling can be apt for welcoming.
Being emotional is okay because apathy means there was no meaning to be held.
To have feelings and emotions means that you’re alive, how you deal and cope with them is a different matter.
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