Why You Can’t Just Give Up on Pronouncing “Hard Names”

My first ever day of school was also the day I realized I would forever be correcting the pronunciation of my name. Now, as a senior in college, people still mispronounce it after I’ve corrected them or made a point to say it the right way in front of them multiple times. My name is Sonja, and I was named after my mom’s favorite aunt, who is from Norway. The way my family pronounces the name is “Sawn-Yuh.” Not “Sown-Ya” or Sawn-Jah.” And no, it’s really not funny for you to make a joke out of attempting to pronounce it because you can’t admit you don’t know. I never thought my name was hard to say, but for some reason, the majority of people I have encountered seem to have problems with it. 

Names are special and often have some kind of significance behind them. It is not very respectful to create your own pronunciation and run with it. It is so frustrating to not have a “typical American name” and always dread someone pronouncing it wrong over and over again. I usually just give up at some point because it’s not even worth my energy. I even worry about professional situations where my accomplishments will be associated with my incorrectly pronounced name. (Is the credit really even mine then?)

As with most people with unique names, it is not offensive to me if you ask how to pronounce my name. If anything, I appreciate you wanting to get it right. If I am unsure how to pronounce someone else’s, I usually ask the first time I’ve met them. If I didn’t pick it up the first time, I usually listen for any time they mention themselves when telling a story or when a close friend of theirs says their name. This is a great way to make sure you’re saying it correctly! It is baffling to me how people can hear someone’s name pronounced differently than the way they have been saying it and not wonder if they are right or wrong. 

The greatest feeling in the world is when someone pronounces your name right on the first try. I seriously remember that interaction forever. Especially now in their virtual world, it’s hard to jump in and correct someone who is mispronouncing your name in an online meeting. When you work on a team or are in a larger class, it can be tricky to stop and correct a classmate, coworker, or professor. I know that everyone should be their own best advocate, but it’s easier said than done. For some reason, people make a huge deal when you correct them. It makes things awkward when it really does not need to be. 

My last name, Caballero, also originates from a different country because my dad is from Spain. I never really questioned the fact that my entire name has parts of my heritage. As much as I hate constantly correcting the pronunciation, I like the fact that I am unique. I enjoy meeting new people and hearing their stories because just like them, my name and its story has a meaning.

We need to normalize asking people how to pronounce their names and learning about their origins if it is one you haven’t heard before. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying someone has a nice name and asking them where it came from. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something about them that you wouldn’t have expected! Someone could be named after a favorite relative or a public figure, or their name could have a really cool meaning or significance in another language. 

Just because a name isn’t familiar to you, doesn’t mean you should try to simplify it. There’s nothing less respectful than assuming you know better than the person who lives with that name 24/7. Celebrating unique names should be a given, and it’s a goal I think we all should strive for. 

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