Carrie Bradshaw. She’s fun, she’s trendy, and she poses ridiculous questions. But between her overzealous speculations and dramatic inquires, she hits us with something good, something thought provoking, something like: can we [women] have sex like men? That is, frequently, with multiple partners and with no strings attached.
As we continue to embrace the necessity of gender equality it seems almost obvious that women and men should, by default, get to enjoy sex in the same way. There should be no “male” or “female” sex. Yet there remain both biological and social barriers that draw a distinction between female and male attitudes on “doing the deed.”
When it comes to sexual ideologies, we all have a Charlotte and a Samantha in our lives. They’re the friends who either champion or judge our sexual exploits. But what about those of us who have a little bit of Samantha and a little bit of Charlotte in them? What about the many women who want to be casual but aren’t sure if its their cup of tea?
A Charlotte-like approach to sex is all about the rules. According to her, coyness is key. But this view is limited and quite frankly sexist. Why should guys gain respect for racking up sexual partners while girls are downgraded to cheap sluts as their list grows?
Samantha’s idea of using men just for sex holds a definite sense of power. But her ideologies present a problem as well. Even if we want to be casual about sex, do our bodies?
Pursuing sex with a “Samantha-like” mindset is beyond acceptable. The only problem is biology. The female orgasm releases oxytocin, also known as the “cuddle hormone,” which creates a warm and fuzzy feeling and facilitates a sense of attachment. If there is nothing to attach to however, no deeper connection, sex may become a regretful reminder of its own hollowness. Welcome to what is called “post-orgasm regret,” which manifests itself as sadness or anger and can turn your no strings attached affair into a feelings fest.
Women may enter these no-strings-attached contracts as the ones calling the shots. But by the time it’s all over, they are often the ones feeling used. Men leave unscathed, while our bodies are begging us for an attachment that we didn’t ask for and that we’re likely not going to get. We can try to deny it. We can try to be that girl who “has no emotions.” But it’s biological. Sometimes, we get attached.
So maybe the Charlottes and the Samanthas of the world are both deluded. Maybe those of us in the middle are onto something.
Oxytocin may serve as the scientific evidence for the difference between “female” and “male” sex. But science should not excuse the vast social limitations on female sexuality. Freud’s Madonna/Whore complex has, for too long, allowed for a deep dichotomy in modern culture. Fixed categorizations tend to limit female sexuality while accepting male behavior, ranging from abstinence to promiscuity, without comparable social disparagement.
Biologically, yes, sex is different for men and women. But, if women want to embrace a no strings-attached approach the important thing is that they own it, just like a man.
You are not a slut if you decide on casual sex and you are not a prude if don’t. Either way, you are human. So, own it.
Sources:http://www.today.com/id/29282186/ns/today-today_health/t/can-you-should-you-have-sex-man/#.VJsZ3sAc