Circus performers are trained to juggle fire and sharp knives. While it seems like this could be dangerous, the circus performers are confident that they won’t get hurt. Why? Because they have been trained. They have practiced and perfected the art of juggling. Just like these circus performers, collegiettes know the art of juggling their love interests. Collegiettes know how to invest their time with different types of people. However, when collegiettes decide that they aren’t interested in adding someone to their juggling mix, they often don’t know how to get out of the ring.
This is why I present to you 10 tactics you can use to make him never want to be a part of your circus act again:
1. Make him your formals photographerBefore the formal, continuously text him to remind him that he should “look cute for pictures! It’s being sent to mom! Xoxo.” Once he arrives, insist on taking pictures from every angle. Go back and forth between which side is your good side. Make him take a picture of you and your big, you and your twin, you and your entire lineage, you and your social chair, etc.
2. Tell him that his frat is your least favoriteYour favorite frat has better music, a nicer smell and better looking boys. Let him know all of these things. In addition, let him know that he really doesn’t fit in with his brothers. If he joined the athletic frat, tell him that he doesn’t mesh well because he really isn’t an athlete. If he joined the preppy frat, tell him that all of his brothers look like J. Crew models except for him.
3. Get on his schedule
“Oh no way, you go to the bison at 1:00 p.m., the gym at 3:00 p.m., and the library at 7:00 p.m.? Me too!” Be an omnipresent force. Be careful, this could get you into legal trouble.
4. Switch up the tunesWhen you are at a party together, gain control of the music. Erase all existing playlists. Make a new playlist that only has Timber on repeat. Warning: some guys may actually be into this. In order to ensure that they wind up hating it, scream “Ah! This is my favorite song!” each time the song begins.
5. Make him order pizza
When your guy tries to take a slice, slap his hand. Tell him that he needs to watch his figure. Continue on to eat the entire pizza. After you have finished, complain about how sick you feel.
6. Steal his clothes
Only take the articles of clothing that he really cares about. State Championship jacket? Yours. His favorite Vineyard Vines shep shirt? Yours. When he asks for them back, give him someone else’s clothes.
7. Dominate the dance floor
When you are dancing with him on the risers, fall off. Fall hard and fall fast. If he tries to help you up, tell him that you are “more comfortable down here.”
8. Compare him to the Bachelor
Ask him why he isn’t more like Juan Pablo.Â
9. Don’t go the distance
When he asks you to hang out, tell him that he is too far away. This does not apply to boys that live in the mods – the mods are legitimately too far away. Only use this one if you are a freshman and you live on the same hall as your main squeeze
10. Make him watch chick flicks
Allow him to choose the movie. When he makes a suggestion, reject it. Tell him that the only movies that he can choose from are The Notebook, Pretty Woman and Bridget Jones’ Diary.