Please note that this article is not intended to offer judgment nor offend readers. It is solely the author’s personal attempt at a comedic take on the casualness of the sex culture she has encountered at Bucknell.
He whispered coyly into your ear after your 10 song gyrating session and mid make out name share: “So…do you want to get out of here?”
Sex in college has become casual activity. It seems as though a plethora of boys bring girls back to their respective rooms the first night of meeting them with the expectations or intentions of doing the dirty, getting it in, or quite frankly: having sex. So let’s talk about it, baby. Sex, yes, but also your answer to his sweaty nose unintentionally rubbing your cheek as his lips brush against your ear as he goes to repeat his statement before the next round of Avicii mashups starts to play: “So do you…?”
Guys are all about that “hit it and quit it” lifestyle. But what about us ladies? We can’t act completely innocent, can we? That 7 pm persona of prudence and innocence can quickly dissolve as the night progresses, not to mention functioning in the daytime is just as much of an act as your “I’m not hung over” sunglasses-wearing entrance into your Thursday morning 8 am. We can’t lie. We want to have sex just as much as the next fraternity brother. However, not everyone is on board with letting it slip right in as you rack your brain for his name, much less which downtown house you originally discovered this hazy attempt at an Adam Levine look alike. The question then arises among conflicted college women, when to let him, as John Bender of The Breakfast Club eloquently puts it “slip the hot beef injection.” As Cosmo aptly illustrates, every potential sexual conquest, rather conquer, is just as varied as the boys we consider to be fish in the sea. We have compiled some advice for those confused yet equally horny women out there when deciding if they want to have sex or not. While some may wait for the romantic comedy definition of love or even marriage, it’s more than acceptable to believe otherwise. So here are a few guidelines to follow when deciding on slipping into that single in Vedder at 3 am or any other time.
To be or not to be, sexually active:
Please note that having sex should not be a pressure: it is only the right time to do it if you feel comfortable, safe, and prepared.**
Defined by the number, the 2-4 Night Rule: Everyone has that Charlotte York-esc best friend who insists on waiting for the third round of hooking up and after clearing his familial background to clarify that he’s a “decent guy” to get down and dirty. Defined by her monogrammed notepad listing concrete sex-capade rules, Charlotte—and your friend—do not allow a first time make out sesh, no matter it’s steamy seduction, to go beyond tongue touching. However, by no means are we disparaging Ms. York because her argument is very much valid: there is nothing worse than exposing yourself—physically and mentally—while legs open for a guy only to be ditched the minute you fall into a post-thrust slumber. So, in taking a note from Charlotte’s list do’s and don’ts, anywhere from the second to fourth night of hooking up could be a good time to do it. At this point, your partner’s social security number has revealed a good tax return and his sexual prowess could be pulling your inner sexual cravings right from your conservative approach.
The “C” Word…And It’s Not Climax: Before you can even reach Sally’s toe curled, ooh and ahh groaning, and head tilting rendition of the perfect peak right out of When Harry Met Sally, you must be comfortable. This is not the comfort of those pajamas you bought for a whopping three dollars at Wal-Mart during last Thursday’s adventure. This is the butt-naked, Gabby Douglass flexibility, and limb-flinging comfort that is not properly demonstrated in the most recent rom com. To put it frankly, your rendition of getting it done will not be as fluid as “Star Whores” or eloquent as Emma Stone pulling a Dirty Dancing fly-move in the hands of Mr. Gossling himself. It’s not about your comfort with a penis, sure you’ve seen one of those in seventh grade’s “Sex Ed,” but rather being comfortable with the person before you: being yourself bra on or off, penis in or out, and conversation on and off the quad.
That minute you’re on the way to second base and he skillfully—and mesmerizingly—unhooks your bra with a single hand (I mean how do they do it) clothing becomes a faint memory. As nakedness lingers around the next corner, threatening as the chill of the dorm room’s a/c, you’re faced once again with another c word: confidence. It is absolutely important to be comfortable with yourself and confident with your image before letting it slip right in because we know, if he’s ready to whip it out, he too is confident. Match your man in confidence and comfort and shake those love handles…or just get down to it but only when you’ve conquered both c’s because either way, sex is a vulnerable act.
The Real World: Beyond the White Picket: So that hot mess of a make out ended abruptly as the final frat brother pulled the plug on Pitbull and Ke$ha “yelling Timber” as it “goes down.” And rather than going down, do you go up to campus to get out of here? At this point, we’ve made it quite clear what all this means; this being going back to his room and the events to follow. Feel ready? Maybe not. Think back to Tuesday at 11 am. Your phone vibrates in class and, being rebellious, you look down not to see your best friend’s name with the question “Terrace Room?” but rather his name with a heart next to it (who put that there?). However, the situation here is not his feelings versus your girlfriend’s on the Kristin’s Interactive station at the Terrace Room or the quinoa possibility in the Bison. Rather, if he texts you pre or post-hook up, then there is an ever so slight, or even grander, chance that he is thinking of you. It is quite possible he is just running into a mid-day horny rut and flashing back to Saturday’s dance floor performance but anything from texting midday to a simple “sup” on the quad shows he feigns a resemblance of interest and care. So if this is enough for you to open wide, pull his hand and slip off the corner of the back riser, the rest is up to you.
Salt and Lime with a Whole Lot of Tequila: Don’t let the clever ways of your good friend Captain Morgan keep you from the carnal rule of nighttime sex-capades: name sharing. The worst Saturday morning feeling that Excedrine Migraine can’t fix is the grab of what you think is your childhood stuffed animal but somehow turned life-size. Well hello there, sir! And sir is exactly who he is because, seriously, who…are…you? I’m sure the nighttime events were all good and well, or it looks that way from your clothes-carpeted floor but there is nothing more awkward than waking up next to John Doe. Captain still got your tongue? Well I hope it doesn’t have it too much to not remember the night’s events. Hormones, as Coach Carr makes quite clear, are rampant to the point of Chlamydia acquisition and finality of death. But we’ll just stop at raging hormones. No matter how loosey goosey the warm ooze of alcohol makes you feel and sexually repressed you might be, doing the dirty with Mr. Doe and not remembering is surely a no go. Get the facts, then relax.
Boys Will Be Boys: If you’re not ready to be known as that “hot piece of ass he slayed last night” running wild amongst his buddies and 120 of his nearest and dearest brothers, than sex might not be the play. You should either trust that the one you’re with won’t spread you like butter round the brotherhood rumor mill or be comfortable with the fact that he might just share more than needed details.
Y O U: There’s no pop culture reference or witty snippet of sarcasm that can be added to emphasize this point: having sex is your decision. No ifs, ands, or buts. “No” never means “try harder,” “yes,” or “maybe.” No means no.
So the next time you feel that exhalation of hot air pre-questioning as his head moves closer in an attempt to increase intimacy, think about these points. Do you? Do you really want to get out of here? No need to answer now, but in this time marked by a profusion of casual sex and ever-present debauchery, take a piece of advice from the master of all things copulation by Carrie Bradshaw and “Remember to love yourself first,” then go right ahead and R. Kelly it up: “put the key in the ignition.”
**Please remember that you should never do anything that you are not 100% comfortable, ready, and prepared to do. Safety and protection are incredibly key parts of sexual activity. No always means no. If you have any questions or concerns regarding sexual activity, please contact Health Services at 570-577-1401.