I pride myself on being a bookworm, and the books I read are overwhelmingly romance books. In 2022 alone, I read over 20 romance books, getting lost in the fun, flirty nature of them and being satisfied with the happy endings. While they are a nice distraction from the stress of everyday life, I have noticed that when dealing with romance in my life, my view of how relationships should form has been influenced. I have found myself disappointed by my less-than-romantic encounters in college. That happy ending is a lot harder to come by when you are on campus.
Some of the most popular romance writers right now—Emily Henry, Colleen Hoover, Christina Lauren—don’t write from the perspective of college students. The women they write about are twenty to thirty year olds who get the grand gestures, meet-cutes, and romantic dates. The stamp of the romance genre is to have the story provide a happy, satisfying ending, which negates the idea of having the real life “college experience”. Don’t get me wrong, I often find myself fantasizing about having my own happy ending, but in college this should not necessarily be the goal.
By reading romance books, one gets the idea that any romantic thing that happens must end in one thing: a relationship. This does not have to be the case. The idea behind the “college experience” is that you are supposed to be with different people and figure out what you like so that you can choose a partner and commit later on in life. This is how many are able to grow and make sure you find the best thing for you. There is a strong aversion now for college students to go on actual dates in college and just get to know each other. Romance and dates should not be reserved for relationships that are considered “official”. By having these experiences, especially without the immediate expectations, you can find out what works and what doesn’t work for you.
There is a happy medium between the love found in romance books and the typical college experience. College is all about navigating your life independently and figuring out how you want your life to look after graduation. Just because people say that you should “find yourself” does not mean that you have to do it completely alone, but it does not mean that you have to end up in a relationship either. Never again will you be in a place surrounded by so many young, single peers. Now is the time to find out what you need in order to have a happy and healthy relationship, with another, and with yourself!