I vividly recall sitting outside my house the night before move-in day at Bucknell, my hometown friends piled around me on the front steps as I looked half excited, and half sick to my stomach. Being the first of us to leave, they tried to offer words of wisdom and support— “This is gonna be the best four years of your life,” “You’ll be fineeeee,” “My mom met all of her bridesmaids in college.” But the truth was, none of us knew what to expect. Since elementary school we’d been a group, tackling classes, boy drama, teenage angst, and everything in between, together. How could we possibly find friends who were anything like the ones we had in each other?
Although in that moment, I was overwhelmed at the prospect of instantly finding “my people” at school, I came to learn that finding one fixed friend group at school actually doesn’t matter, nor should it be a priority when making new friends. No matter what year you’re in, not having a set friend group can actually be a major door opener—here’s why:
More time to ~dive in~
Whether you join a club, look into on-campus jobs, audition for an ensemble, or ask a professor about research opportunities, there are so many ways to spend your time on campus, and not having a set friend group actually expands these options. You’re less inclined to do something because all your friends do it, and more likely to invest time into academics and extracurriculars that you truly care about. And who knows—you might build amazing friendships too!
You’re more open minded
Not having a set friend group doesn’t mean you aren’t a social butterfly! You don’t limit your friendships to one group, and instead look for friends wherever you find authentic, cool people who match your vibe—not just because they’re just part of a group you’ve fallen into.
Opportunities for self discovery
It sounds cheesy, but you’re the only person who’s gonna be around for your whole life. Knowing who you are is crucial, and not falling into a fixed group means you get to spend so much more time understanding who that person is. From writing poetry to volunteering at an animal shelter, finding outlets that are built around what YOU need is not just important, but necessary.
You’re independent
None of that FOMO nonsense gets in the way of how you live your life. You aren’t easily swayed by others, and instead stay true to yourself. You don’t need to have a fixed friend group to be confident in your social life, and that makes for more meaningful friendships to develop with those who you choose to spend your time with. The people you befriend, you befriend for a reason, and that’s not something everyone can say!
So if you’re just starting college, or even if you’re a current senior, don’t panic if you don’t have a set squad to run around campus with. It’s great if you do, but it’s also great if you don’t! The way I handle friendships is different from how the girl across the hall from me handles hers, and that’s okay. As long as you make friends in a way that works for you, and embrace that with confidence, you’re set!