Hi. I’m baby.
I am a senior in college who JUST NOW turned 21. No longer living in fear, I can finally begin to live the 20s I’ve always dreamed of (that I learned required a lot more alcohol than I’d imagined). And now that I am no longer timidly waiting to be invited to a party to engage in socialization and can seek it out on my own, I’ve got some business to attend to. Now I can:
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Sing karaoke in an acceptable setting.
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Have somewhere to go in costume (besides Chipotle) on Halloween.
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Dance on a table like they do in movies.
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Alcoholic slushies.
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Have a taste in beer (that isn’t just “whatever someone else bought that tastes the most like water”).
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PEDAL TAVERN!!!.
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Go to more concerts. (Because this is Indiana, and most venues prefer serving alcohol to letting twenty-year-olds listen to music.)
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Go to “da club” like in those early 2000s hip-hop songs I always dreamed of.
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No longer be my friends’ automatically designated driver.
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See a drag show. EVERY drag show.
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Mimosas at brunch like I’m Carrie Bradshaw or something.
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Drink on a boat! (Like the closet country girl I am.)
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Toast to the new year at midnight with champagne. (It’ll be 2020! So romantic! So glorious!)
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Be able to “go out for a drink” on a date like a damn adult.
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Get a new license photo that isn’t this horrible bangs and face mistake:
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Sing along with restaurant background music and it isn’t weird!
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Emphatically compliment another woman in the bathroom and it isn’t weird!
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Send risky text messages to romantic prospects and it isn’t (as) weird!
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Be asked “Can I buy you a drink?” like I’m one of Don Draper’s mistresses.
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Wear some tacky shirt that says “Rosé all day” or something without worrying about being questioned by a cop on account of my round face and exuberant, childlike whimsy.
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Get completely over the idea that having alcohol automatically makes me fun and cool and accept that it really isn’t this magical key to being in control of a social situation and finally making up for feeling overlooked during my adolescence, but rather just another category of drinks with its own set of benefits and consequences, not unlike coffee.
(And you thought you were gonna escape this article without a truth bomb. Tough!)
Here’s to having fun, not overdoing it, and remembering that it’s just another birthday!