In today’s fast-paced world, we are so often divided by our respective beliefs and separated by our respective responsibilities. We’re in dire need of common ground to bring us together. What truly has the power to bring humanity together, then?
Well, riddle me this. Have you ever been at a particularly awkward social event– a distant relative’s wedding, maybe, or your high school friend’s son’s bar mitzvah— where you don’t really know the hosts that well, but there’s a dance floor and you inevitably won’t have plans so you’ll probably go? Well, I have good news and bad news for you.
Bad news first: you won’t enjoy yourself much. The entire time, you’ll be staring at the door, your feet aching to carry you outside so you can call an Uber and disappear from view, never to be seen again- until the next time you make plans with these people.
The good news: you’ll have some fantastic music to look forward to. Songs that ask you and your neighbors to dance, in a coordinated fashion, together in harmony? Absolute bangers. As an added bonus, I’m giving you a guide to the best coordinated group dance songs of all time, so you’ll know what to request. It’s time for you to take control of your life and take this party to an 11! Here’s a definitive ranking for you to dance to, from WORST to BEST:
8.) “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)” – Silentó
Look, I have nothing against this song. It can really get a party going, and I would assume younger partygoers would enjoy it? Here’s the thing, though- it just doesn’t bop like the rest of these songs. Some of these songs just go SO hard, and it’s hard to deny that this one takes last place compared to other coordinated dance staples.
7.) “Cotton Eye Joe” – Rednex
This dance can give a party much-needed energy, but it’s fairly complicated for guests who don’t consider dancing one of their strengths. It’s not obscenely difficult, but all that “leg-up-and-touch-your-foot” action takes skill. It doesn’t embrace the type of attitude a party needs to have, which is that everyone should have fun, regardless of skill-level.
6.) “Wobble” – V.I.C.
I know this will come as a hot take, and many will disagree, but I truly believe that this song can bring a party’s mood up, but can’t take it to the next level. Sure, it’s fun, but so is binging an entire season of The Golden Girls and telling everyone you know that you have plans, so why would I turn down that opportunity and “wobble” with you all for 5 minutes and 22 seconds?
5.) “It’s Tricky” – Run-D.M.C.
I feel like this bop flies under the radar as a true coordinated dance song. You’ll hear this at some events, but does it truly pump up a party like some of the other songs do? It really depends on the crowd, and I ranked it here because it has yet to re-rise to fame, in my opinion.
4.) “Cupid Shuffle”- Cupid
Now we’re getting to the good stuff. This dance is remarkably fun, and has really embraced its role as a true, classic party song. Whether you’re at a sweaty middle school dance or a super awkward anniversary party for two of your parents’ friends, you can really get down to this song. The reason it doesn’t rise to the top? The competition’s too steep, and all that kicking might cause Uncle John to have an exercise-induced asthma attack.
3.) “Macarena” – Los Del Rio
Everyone and their mother knows this classic dance. In fact, it’s such a prominent dance that often times, it’s put to other songs and the grand illusion is interrupted. Song and dance, together in perfect harmony! (Disclaimer: I have DEFINITELY done this dance to other songs. I’m not a coordinated dance purist, by any means.)
2.) “Cha Cha Slide” – DJ Casper
Who can argue with a song that literally tells you what to do, but as opposed to ordering you around, encourages you with sick dance beats? Can we achieve world peace by simply asking everyone to “cha cha real smooth?” I don’t know, we haven’t tried it. Yet, it still falls to second place, defeated by an undeniably stronger opponent.
1.) “YMCA” – Village People
I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them. This JAM was released in 1978, yet has the aura of something that has always been here, existing– like peanut butter, or the name “Sarah.” It brings together dancers of all walks of life with its simple, organic message- that your local YMCA is the perfect place for anyone. It’s iconic and can’t be denied as the best coordinated dance song of all time.
Happy dancing! Get yourself out there, queen– you deserve it.