Why Too Faced’s Most Popular Mascara is Absolutely NOT Better than Sex
The hype surrounding this particular mascara is inescapable. Countless YouTubers rave about it in their monthly favorites videos. It was named the reader’s choice mascara in Allure Magazine’s Best of Beauty 2019 list. According to Too Faced’s website, it is the top-selling “prestige mascara” in America — whatever that means.
This mascara is so popular that it is not only available in a waterproof formula, but it is available in nearly any form you could imagine.
There are at least five different limited-edition versions of packaging all for the same exact formula of mascara. There’s the Better Than Sex Birthday Mascara, which features a glittery pink component. The Better Than Sex and Diamonds Mascara is just the same pink packaging except for a few plastic rhinestones sprinkling the outside. Tutti frutti and peach editions are available, too. You can even buy this mascara with ornament packaging and, in the spirit of Santa season, hang it on your Christmas tree.
What I want to know is: why?
In this world, we face disappointment every day, whether it be from men, a bad makeup or hair day, or the fact that Starbucks is yet again out of their strawberry acai refresher.
However, I have never experienced greater disappointment than the first time I tried the Too Faced Better Than Sex mascara. To be frank, even the worst sex I’ve ever had has been infinite times better than my experience with this mascara.
I remember the day I went to the mall with the express purpose of walking into Sephora and buying this mascara. I was 16. I really, genuinely believed that it would be a revolutionary, life-changing experience.
I have not repurchased the Better Than Sex Mascara since.
When I got home, I opened the mascara from its packaging, which claimed that 97% of its users saw a “false lash effect” and 100% saw “dramatic volume.” Immediately upon opening the mascara, black mascara goop was coating the wand so excessively that I thought the stopper had to have been defective. Momma didn’t raise a quitter, though, (plus, I didn’t have my driver’s license yet and had no way of returning the product to Sephora myself) and so I scraped off the excess product and went to town on my lashes.
Sure, they looked good — for about an hour.
Not long after I applied the mascara, an interesting weather phenomenon started to rain down on my face. Hundreds of tiny black flakes rested on the tops of my cheeks. Soon after that, it began to transfer and smudge onto my eyelids, as well.
I mean, I definitely felt betrayed the first time I saw a boy I thought I was talking to with another girl at a party.
But this? This hurt much, much worse. Not only was I betrayed, but I was also so confused. This mascara had just committed the top three mascara sins: flaking, transferring, and smudging. What was the upside? What did everyone love about this mascara?
I know I’m not the only person who has had this experience. A quick dive into the Sephora one-star reviews yields a multitude of similarly disappointed people who had their high hopes crushed by the devastating reality of this product. Subject lines littered with the words and phrases “awful,” “All hype and no good,” “Such a disappointment,” and my personal favorite, “RACCOON BEWARE” all serve to drive my point home.
When Sephora user lolodubs said “I truly and genuinely do not understand the hype of this product,” I felt that. It’s me and you both, lolodubs.
So, Too Faced, I have a question: what kind of terrible, terrible sex must you be having?