I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t one of those people who thought that I would stay close with many of my high school friends after I went to college. I imagined texting my friends about everything I was up to, face timing and hanging out with everyone whenever we went home for breaks. My senior year was cut short by covid, yet some of my best memories from high school took place the summer before leaving for college. I would spend nearly every day with my friends and couldn’t imagine my life without them.
My freshman year of college was a different experience than many of my friends for a variety of reasons, including having to take medical leave my second semester. When my friends from high school would reach out to me, I felt distant and no longer connected with them the way I used to be. I couldn’t relate to many of their experiences, and they couldn’t relate to mine. As the months went on, I talked to those friends less and less. When we hung out over breaks, it didn’t feel the same to me.
As my sophomore year began, I began to find more friends with similar interests and experiences as me. Many of my close friends are part of the LGBTQ+ community, which opened my eyes to how being gay has been shaping so much of who I am. This was something that nearly all of my high school friends had no understanding of. In addition to this, I found friends who were equally as interested in spirituality as I was. These friends have allowed me to expand so many parts of myself that I was never able to do with my high school friends. Not having some of these crucial shared interests and experiences with my friends from high school meant that drifting apart was even more inevitable.
It takes a lot of work to stay connected with old friends once you’re in college. Many college students have part time jobs, and internships, and might be a part of clubs, on top of their classes. Lining up schedules can be difficult, but I have found that you will make time for those that you want to. You may find that some friends that you want to stay close with, don’t end up making the time to stay close with you. That’s okay though, because it is natural for people to grow apart as they age. Some friendships are meant to only last a short time. Although you may understand this, it doesn’t make the experience of drifting apart any less sad. I have found myself grieving multiple times for lost friendships that I thought I had made peace with.
I believe it’s important to also realize that though you may not talk to old friends all the time, that doesn’t mean they’re completely gone from your life. I have a few friends from high school that I hardly talk to while we’re at school, but I cherish the time we spend together when we’re both in town getting coffee or lunch together. I may only see them a couple times a year, but they remain special people to me.
I can confidently say that I only have one high school friendship that I haven’t outgrown in any way. She’s been my closest friend since I was seven years old, and is basically my third sister at this point. Sometimes you might find a friend like this in high school and prove everyone wrong that says your friendship will end in college.