Long time, no article! I’ve missed you all, I sure hope the feeling is mutual.
I think the hardest part about no longer being a part of someone’s life is remembering all of the moments that the two of you shared (platonically or romantically). Time doesn’t even have to be a factor here; whether you were together for two years or two months, you still have all of those memories. It’s all there in the songs, the inside jokes, the texts and calls, and especially in the pain of trying to understand why something so good could end so poorly. People come and go, but things like that always remain.
After recently experiencing some personal heartache, I was asked “what do you miss about them and why?” I had to sit back and evaluate the last “X” amount of time of my life.
The immediate thing that comes to mind from my own experience is hearing them call me “mon amour” (hence the title, and if you don’t know a lick of French, it means “my love”). The feeling I would get when that special person called me that was like a million butterflies in my stomach, but the memory now felt excruciating, more appropriately, unbearable. As I sat with this question bobbing above the surface of my many thoughts, I figured why ruin such a beautiful thing?
Having someone I admire call me their love made me feel so many things at once just from a simple “hello” and “goodbye,” but what I’ve come to realize is that I have to remember our relationship the way it was. I can’t tarnish something so beautiful because I’m in pain. The memories are so good and the time spent we spent together was so fulfilling.
Instead of choosing to make up little stories in my head about how things could’ve been, I accept that this chapter of my life is now closed, and I’ll carry it carefully, kindly, and untouched into my next chapter. I know that we both have so many incredible things to bring into others’ lives, and with time we both will be able to acknowledge and accept that (some sooner than later). Because at the end of the day, all you have is yourself and the people who truly, wholeheartedly love/loved you.
All of these experiences, moments, and time will lead you to the best version of yourself. That is why they’re placed into your life.
I recognize you once viewed me as something gentle and loving, and I’ll continue to be that way. I will build on being that way, for many others, but most importantly for myself. This is not a time for me to only hurt, it’s a time for me to heal. I am choosing to dance in a field of flowers, grateful for those special moments I had the lovely opportunity of experiencing.
If there is one thing I wish for you, reader, to take from these thoughts of mine, is that the next time you’re feeling angry, hurt, or sad about somebody who is no longer in your life, look back at all of the good moments you had. You will always have those moments. So I ask you to be patient with yourself, pick yourself up, and choose to remember the good and only the good. Accept what is no longer; it will only bring you closer to true peace.
Remember: Life is only as good as you make it. People change, feelings change. That’s just the way things work out, and that’s okay. Be comfortable with the silence, it won’t always be that way.
And lastly,
To the person who once claimed me as their “mon amour”, I forever hope that you continue to see me that way. Even if our chapter has come to an end, remember the best of me, the way I would light up when you walked into the room because, after all of this temporary pain and heartache, I’ll always remember us as we were.
xx
Gabriella