Those jeans that don’t fit just right anymore. The urge to suck in your stomach constantly. Feeling like you’re doing nothing wrong but sizes keep going up. Being a woman in a time where body types are considered “trends” is… damaging, to say the least. As a woman in college who has gained weight since leaving high school, I understand how hard it can be to not be the same size you once were. Especially when a woman’s worth is mainly attributed to her appearance in society’s beliefs.
It’s exhausting to feel that gut-wrenching feeling at the end of the day where you feel like you’ll never be content with yourself, no matter how many times you remind yourself it doesn’t matter if you went up a size or not. It’s easy enough to tell yourself it doesn’t mean anything if you gain weight — the hard part is believing it.
When I started gaining, I blamed it on the infamous “freshman fifteen” and tried to ignore it. When it kept happening, despite never changing my diet to be eating more or worse, it started to feel like there was something wrong with me. Is there something wrong with my health? Was I not walking enough? Am I doing something, anything wrong that can explain this?
But why do we jump to blaming ourselves? What good does that cause us? Maybe our bodies just change throughout our life. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me, but instead, my body is nurturing itself by letting it adapt to the age that I’ve gotten to? Asking these questions is what made me find out about “the second puberty” that women experience, and everything started to make more sense.
What is “the second Puberty?”
Now, this is not an actual form of puberty, let’s start there. This is just a term to explain women’s bodies changing in their 20s in order to adapt to the body’s maturity. Weight gain, acne, and hormonal issues are all expected and normal for someone to experience during this time. Filling out in the hips, stomach, thighs, arms and, well, all of your body is natural. Breaking out when you haven’t since you were fifteen is okay during this time period (and okay during the rest of your life as well, don’t forget). While it is most common to happen during your mid-late twenties, this experience can start as early as eighteen, which is what I realized was happening to me.
Do genetics play a role?
It’s key to remind yourself that your body is always looking to protect you. If your natural state is a size eight, then your body naturally wants and needs to be a size eight. People’s bodies are all different and need different things. My natural state is not the same as my friend’s, and that’s okay. Some people metabolize faster. Some react harsher to eating certain foods than another. When I see a size zero girl eating unhealthy, it’s hard for me to not say to myself, “why can’t I eat like that but look like that at the same time.” But we can’t think like this. The way her body reacts to food is not her fault, nor is it mine. It’s okay to not be the same size as the girl next to you, her genetic makeup may just be different than yours. This time in your life is meant for learning what your body and mind is craving, and that incudes listening to what your body needs from you. And, ultimately, that is kindness.
how to Accept it
As I said before, it is extremely hard to simply read this information and say “I’m cured. I will never feel insecure ever again.” That’s nearly impossible. When most of Hollywood’s famous actresses are no bigger than a size six, it’s hard to feel beautiful when, clearly, that’s what society thinks is superior. But maybe that’s their problem, not ours. If they choose to believe that women who are curvy aren’t beautiful, why do we blame ourselves and not them? Why is it our fault and not theirs with their corrupted way of seeing women?
Learning to accept these changes as a part of life and out of your control is terrifying. Asking yourself “why did I gain more weight than she did” is not going to solve the problem. It’s not easy to accept this as fact, but you must. Comparing yourself to another won’t make you happy, and, chances are, she’s saying to herself, “why couldn’t I have curves like her.” Everyone has something they would want to change about themselves. But at the end of the day, remind yourself that if you’re not going around thinking to yourself, “wow, that person’s arms are just a little too big,” no one is thinking that about you. Filling out is not a death sentence. It’s beautiful. It’s your body nurturing itself and creating an adult, not remaining a fifteen year old girl. It’s okay to not fit in the same jeans that you did when you were a sophomore in high school, and thank god for it! The second puberty is making sure you’re becoming a woman, not remaining in a child’s body.
You have bigger thighs? Beautiful. Your stomach isn’t flat? You look like the women in Renaissance paintings. There are aspects of all body types that should be celebrated and rejoiced, so why not start with yourself? Skinny, fat, tall, short — these are all just words. Words used to define our worth as put there by society and its “trends.” I’m not saying “looks aren’t everything, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.” No. I’m saying, regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, there’s beauty in all of it. Rejoice in your curves. Celebrate your long legs. Treasure the way your body wants you to be. That is what the second puberty is for — to show you that bodies aren’t trends, they are our sanctuaries.
And hopefully, by learning this, we can accept that our bodies are going to change. We won’t ask ourselves “why aren’t I as skinny as I used to be,” and instead, we’ll exclaim, “I’m finally becoming the woman I’m supposed to be.”