I’m okay
But I’m not okay.
I love helping those around me
But they don’t know I need help the most.
I’m so close to living my dreams
It just a few years away.
But this nightmare that I’ve been living in
Feels like it’s never-ending.
My mind is so beautiful
Intertwined with all of these thoughts and ideas.
But its ugly at the same time
Confused about why these negative thoughts cover up the rainbow trying to peek through.
Am I good enough?
Yes, you deserve everything you get.
No, you need to improve, push harder, do better.
I’m not good enough.
Are they proud?
Yes, they see everything you do, they applaud you, and they recognize your efforts.
No, every mistake you make turns them against you, disappoints them, and stabs them in the heart.
So I’m a disappointment.
Are you going to succeed?
Yes, you’re the perfect candidate. You’re compassionate, hardworking, a go-getter.
No, you made that C freshman year. You’re a fraud, lazy, no one will accept you.
I don’t have a back-up plan, though.
Am I pretty?
Yes, everyone is beautiful but especially you. Your personality, smile, intelligence, the list goes on.
No, remember that he said to lose more weight then ask again. Your extra rolls, bloat, filled out face, the list goes on.
I guess I look alright.
I’ve put my thoughts on paper
This means things are going to get better.
But these aren’t all of my thoughts
This is just what I want you to know now.
I’m okay
But I’m not okay.