Let’s face it, for many of us gratitude isn’t something we think about on a daily basis. Unless maybe we’re sitting around the dinner table on Thanksgiving, gratitude is definitely not something we often talk about either. But if someone were to ask you right now, are you grateful for your family? Are you grateful for the roof over your head? What would your answer be? I know mine would be, “Of course I do.” But no one’s going around asking questions about what we’re grateful for. It might be because we think it’s too obvious to talk about or share with our loved ones. Or maybe it’s because we’re often too distracted but what we’re UNgrateful for.
What does gratitude mean to you? To me, I’d say I most equate gratitude to love. I am grateful for the things I love. I am ungrateful for the things that I don’t like so much, or I feel as though I could do without. According to the Oxford dictionary, Gratitude is “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” What I notice most about this definition is that it doesn’t say anything about gratitude being a feeling.
To be grateful is to act in response to our thankfulness or to kindness. The key word here is “act.” If we think about gratitude this way, when was the last time you were truly grateful? Not just feeling gratitude, but being grateful. When was the last time you went out of your way to show your thankfulness to someone else? If you asked me, I’m not sure if I’d be able to tell you.
The truth is, our idea of what gratitude means has shifted from an outward, giving, perspective to one that is ego-centric and focused on ourselves rather than others. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with being thankful for the things that you have and taking note of everything good in our lives…However, I am saying that I think if we stop there then we are only doing half of what it actually means to be grateful. This is because gratitude takes action.
It’s sort of like the saying goes “actions are louder than words.” We can apply it to anything because it’s true, you just can’t trust words that don’t match the actions that follow them. Just like you can’t tell someone you love them and never make time for them, or lie to them, or speak badly of them when they aren’t around. That would make your words meaningless and superficial. I think that the same goes for gratitude.
If I am truly grateful for the home that I have, then I will go out of my way to show compassion with my actions to those who are without a home. If I am truly grateful for my friends, then I will make the effort to be a friend to someone else who needs one. Of course, it isn’t always going to be that specific, but I think you get the gist. The point is, my actions have to match the feeling in order for me to make gratitude a practice in my life. As you can see, gratitude isn’t really an attitude at all.
At first glance, shifting your entire perspective on gratitude may seem a bit intimidating. It certainly was for me. There I was thinking my whole life that I was a grateful person, and then suddenly I started to wonder if I was ever really grateful at all. But the point of this shift is not to guilt trip ourselves into being more thankful. It’s about a tiny tweak in our thinking that I believe is the tip of the iceberg of a complete life transformation. That is because gratitude practiced correctly very much is the key to joy.
So how did I start implementing this into my own life? Finally, we get to the very point of this article. I started a gratitude journal.
Your gratitude journal can be any old notebook, but preferably it should be paper. Nothing against the Notes app, but I believe there’s magic in putting your pen to paper. So open up one of your hundreds of never used journals, it’s time to put it to good use.
The journaling part is simple. Every night, write down five things that you are grateful for. Try to be as specific as possible with your five things. The point is to really get into the practice of thinking back on specific moments throughout your day that you feel gratitude for.
Now comes the most important part. Write down one way that you can show gratitude. This can be tipping the nice guy at the coffee shop a little extra the next time you go. It can mean calling your mom to thank her for the care package she sent you. It can even be as simple as emailing your professor to tell them that you appreciate them and that you are enjoying their class. The important part is not what you write, but actually following through with what you write.
Little by little, you’ll get into the habit of finding ways to show gratitude in the moment. Just like any skill, gratitude will become second nature to you but your journaling never needs to end. Keep your journali as a constant reminder to choose gratitude each day. Better yet, flip through it on your hard days to read about all the moments and things that made each day matter. It’ll become the ultimate keepsake. But the most important thing that you’ll gain is the ability to not only find joy in every day, but share that joy with others, helping to make the world a happier place.
