10 Types of People You’ll See In Starbucks

Starbucks is the social hub of CLU. Here are a few of the eclectic group of customers you are bound to run into on your Starbucks run:

1. The Squatter

The squatter has practically been in the exact same location for weeks and their way-past five o’clock shadow shows it. He brings his own personal cup for bottomless refills, and is way too engrossed in his laptop screen at “his” table.

2. The Instagrammer

There’s always that one girl who has a ten-minute photoshoot with her caramel macchiato before taking her first sip. Because it’s definitely noteworthy that you went to Starbucks today. And yesterday. And the day before.

3. The Awkward First Date

Meeting at a coffee shop always seems like a good idea for a first date: it’s not a big commitment since it’s a public, neutral place (“Let’s just meet for coffee!”). The downside? Everyone in the immediate vicinity is pretending to be busy on their computers, but they’re actually listening intently to you struggling to make conversation. Before you know it, the whole coffee shop has invested in your relationship and named your children.

4. The Oblivious Person With Headphones

“Hey can I sit here?” “HEY! Can I sit here?” “HEY CAN I SIT HERE?!” Nothing.

5. The Human Road Block

This droopy human just stands in the middle of several lines interrupting the flow of traffic around him like a boulder in the middle of a river. You say something along the lines of, “sorry, are you in line?” but in your head are thinking, “get out of the way and go walk into oncoming traffic, please.”

6. The “Namastangry” Yoga Girl

She’s here for her tall skinny chai tea latte with soy and nothing is getting in her way.

7. The Guy on His Laptop Who Thinks He’s In Private

There is a time and place for these types of videos, and the coffee house is just not it.

8. The Student Losing Their Mind

Guilty. I fall squarely into this category most days. This is the sleep-deprived student who usually get the most boring drink on the menu, and relies on a multitude of refills to keep their head above water, usually due to their lack of funds. But we somehow always want to spend it here anyways. They are barely visible behind their pile of textbooks and usually chewing on their straw like it’s the one who made them wait till the last minute to study. Depending on how close it is to finals week, you might hear muffled sobs coming from the great wall of math and chemistry textbooks.

9. That One Guy Who Claims A 6-Person Table With All of His Junk

Just…no.

10. Me

I spend way too much time at Starbucks.

• cal lutheran
• coffee shop
• starbucks