I wish it was as easy as saying you were tired, but it’s not. It feels like everything in your being is slowly wasting away and the you that was once there has become nothing but ashes and dust. Maybe that’s just me and maybe asking for help is easier for others, but for me, asking for help meant that I was being weak or that I was complaining. I felt like if I told someone that I was struggling, it meant I became a burden to them and that they could be doing better things than listening to me drone on about my problems. I have struggled with major depressive disorder for as long as I can remember and with that came stress-related anxiety. About two and half years ago, I developed post-traumatic stress disorder, and all of this meant I felt a lot of pent-up feelings that I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about. Part of me also felt like if I did talk about my feelings I would be judged. But then I got to a rough enough point in my life to where I decided that if they do judge me, they never really cared in the first place.
It was last year when I decided that I needed to take matters into my own hands and go see a therapist. I thought to give this one a chance, and I’m glad I did. Talking to a therapist allowed me to share things that I thought I would never be able to talk to anyone about. For once, I felt comfortable opening up to someone and saying that I needed help to understand what was going through my head.
Before, I felt like getting help and talking to people made me seem weak and pathetic. But I realized that I never needed someone to justify how I feel. If you ever feel like you need to reach out to someone or you just need a hug, don’t be afraid to ask. And if someone asks “How are you?”, it’s okay to say that you’re not okay and that you’re having a bad day; your feelings are completely fair as they are. You are a person who is capable of feeling one feeling at a time or four different feelings all at once, and that is perfectly fine. Remember, you do not ever have to explain your feelings to anyone unless you want to do it in your own time.
After what feels like forever, I want you to know that reaching out and saying you need help is okay. We are only human, capable of feeling the highest of highs or the lowest of lows. And if you need help to sort anything out, that’s okay too. Asking for help does not and will not ever mean that you are weak, pathetic, or less than anything; getting help means that you are brave and you have enough courage to put yourself out there.
If you ever need help or you need to reach out to someone, feel free to email me at rbeharry@callutheran.edu
With Love and Support,
Rae