It is that time of year again. So unless you’re a senior/ decided to dive into the unknown of going random (may God bless your soul), you know that that means it’s roommate assignment time. This can be a tricky transition from picking your friends to picking your roomies, and I think we all know that some people are best left as friends. So in case you’re a bit nervous about your 2015-2016 roommate choices, here are a few dos and don’ts of living in close proximity with other human beings.
DO:
Wear your roommate’s clothes. No need to ask! Nothing says “I like your style” better than an unannounced, public fashion show in your roommates clothes. She’ll absolutely love it when you come back and tell her all the compliments you got.
DO NOT:
Wipe your hair off the shower wall when it gets stuck there. That would be like if Leonardo DaVinci stopped painting the Mona Lisa before it was finished. Your hair is a work of art, and your roomies need to know that.
DO:
Eat your roomie’s food. Hey, you share the air, why not share the food too? If it’s been sitting out for more than ten minutes, it’s as good as yours.
DO NOT:
Turn off the lights when your roommate goes to bed. Everyone could use a little extra exercise. And forcing your roomie to get up and turn off the lights could burn as much as half a calorie! THAT’S LIKE ONE LICK OF A TOOTSIE POP!! Just make sure to shout at her, “YOU’LL THANK ME LATER, FATTY!” as she grumbles her way over to the light switch.
DO:
Look through your roommate’s stuff when she’s not there. It’s like a super-secret scavenger hunt, where the maker (your roomie) doesn’t know she even made a hunt, and the hunter (that’s you!) doesn’t even know what she’s looking for. This will save a lot of time and money.
Say, one day you really, REALLY crave a piece of gum, and you remember from your scavenger hunt that your roommate has a stash in the top left drawer of her shelf. What luck! You can ask her for a piece, and you’ll know one of two things: Either she’ll give you a piece of gum, or she’s a filthy liar.
DO NOT:
Tell your roommate where you are going. Ever. Mystery is awesome. She’ll feel like she’s constantly living in the twilight zone or in her favorite mystery television show. If she asks, “Hey, what class do you have?” Just turn to her and say, “Heeeeyy…what class do YOU have…?” and slip out the door like the sly, sexy fox you know you are.
DO:
Have constant, raging dance parties. Your taste in music is the best there is, right? So why not share it with the best roomie there is? And if your speakers are good enough, you could even share it with the people next to, across from, above, AND below you! Nothing creates community like sharing your favorite tunes.
DO NOT:
Clean up after yourself in any way, shape, or form. This will really show your roomie that you’re comfortable with her. If the room starts to smell, that just means you’re really making the space your own. It’s such a loving gesture to inadvertently tell your roommate, “Hey, I am so comfortable with you that I will leave everything I own on the floor for you to see!” And if spiders start to inhabit your piles of goods, that just means you made a few extra friends along the way!
DO:
Randomly select days to sleep in your roomie’s bed. People now-a-days are so into “routine” and “social norms.” It’s so blah. Spice up life by completely catching your roommate off guard! Just imagine the laughs you will have when she comes home from that party at 2 am to find that you are sound asleep in her bed. OH, THE MEMORIES!
In the end, don’t be alarmed if your roommate stops talking to you, leaves the room nearly 100% of the time, or tells other people that she hates you. These are all normal signs of a blossoming Forever Friendship.