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Red Flags in a Relationship

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Cal Lutheran chapter.

Think of an abusive relationship.

What comes to mind?

 Image by retoxmagazine.com/my-true-life-story-abusive-relationship.html

Most will conjure up the image of a woman with a black eye or bruises on her body, but abuse isn’t limited to women or physical pain. Men, women, and children alike have been through abusive relationships: some are indeed physical, and others emotional, verbal, or psychological.

While physical abuse is more visibly seen, you might not always be able to tell whether or not you’re in an abusive relationship.

So here are 5 signs of a toxic relationship:

1.       They’re concerned: and not the normal kind of concerned. They want to always know where you’re going, they pressure and prod you to give them information about you constantly, they have you under their radar, and you feel stifled and constrained.

2.       They make you feel guilty: in more ways than one. They isolate you by making you feel bad for going out or they make you feel bad for seeing your friends. They say things like, “it’s because you don’t love me” or “you don’t care about me, that’s why you’re doing this.”

Image by quotesgram.com/abusive-relationship-quotes/#5JZNwit1vg

3.       They always play the victim: always. They blame you for everything in the relationship, they only talk about how you hurt them but when you bring up your feelings they just change the topic to be about them again.

4.       They put you down: so that they can be empowered. They belittle you and make you feel weak or inferior to them by the way they talk to you or how they talk about you to others.

5.       They’re overly possessive: to the point that jealousy can’t even describe it. They’re controlling and expect you to be all encompassed by them; they don’t like you talking to other people, and they make you feel like they own you rather than make you feel like you’re in an equal relationship.

While these are key signs, you are the best at determining how you feel about your relationship. However, it can be difficult if you’ve been in an unhealthy relationship for so long that your view of it becomes distorted.

Many individuals have been through abusive relationships and don’t know where to turn. It’s more common than one might think.

 Image by usnews.com/news/blogs/data-mine/2015/10/09/sobering-stats-for-domestic-violence-awareness-month

Every person deserves to be in a healthy and safe relationship.

If you feel as though you need help or resources, here are a few:

http://www.joinonelove.org/

http://www.ncadv.org/

http://www.thehotline.org/

http://www.loveisrespect.org/

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Lara Santos

Cal Lutheran

Lara is a Communications (Journalism emphasis) major and Political Science minor. When she's not studying, she's easily found writing, spending time with friends, watching and analyzing films, going for hikes, or petting dogs. Her favorite genres of music are hip hop, indie folk, rap, vocal jazz, and pop. Lara aspires to become a journalist, and to get an apartment to share with her future corgi and golden retriever.
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