“WE RATHER HAVE SOMETHING THAN NOTHING” (SLOSS)Â
I had everything with my middle school sweetheart. We went through middle school promotion all the way up to high school graduation. Six years of feeling on top of the world. We had all of our lives painted out to be together. We knew how many children we wanted, where we wanted to travel, what house and what cars we would buy, what sports our children would play, the names of our children and we had so much love for each other.Â
But then we both went away to college after high school and things were never the same since. Don’t get me wrong, we nailed it for like the first half. But then, my boyfriend (now my ex) had to come back from college because of COVID and our chemistry was totally off. In May he called off our relationship and then came back in June. From June to August we were on and off. Every time I would go back I felt less and less appreciated but I kept thinking, “You do not give up on the people you love…you can save this relationship, it’s been six years.” And then, Tik Tok (yes, I cannot believe Tik Tok saved me) had this show titled, “Jigsaw” trending. I looked it up on Google and saw it was on Netflix. I saw the comments people were leaving about it and how it helped them leave a relationship they weren’t truly happy in. However, at the time I still thought our relationship could be saved and shoved the show to the back of my mind. Then this last time we were together, I wanted out. I would cry almost everyday thinking why was I not enough. Why was I only the one bettering myself to make this relationship work? But I couldn’t leave. He was all I knew. We began dating when we were 14 all the way up until we were both 20. This was not how it was supposed to end but I was exhausted. So I gave “Jigsaw” a watch.
Daniel Sloss is a Scottish comedian. In one of his comedic live shows, titled “Jigsaw” he starts off by asking how many people genuinely think they are a good person, then shifts to how much he actually despises vegans, transitions into talking about his little sister Josie who passed away, and then he hits you (at least for me) with reality. He starts to talk about the explanation his father gave him when he asked him what the meaning of life was. His dad proceeded to explain everyone’s individual life is like a jigsaw puzzle. The four corners of the jigsaw puzzle are family, friends, hobbies, and jobs. The middle of our jigsaw is the part that will be filled in with the right person. But sometimes, we think we have found this perfect person and we try to jam them into our jigsaw even though they don’t fit. Friends and family, two of your corners, might even tell you how they are not the one but we believe we are so in love with that we continue making them fit into our jigsaw. And for me it took 6 years to see that, who I thought was my person, actually did not fit in my jigsaw at all.Â
THAT HIT ME.
I remember zoning out to the rest he had to say and just kept focusing on that quote. I was in tears. This quote of his is what made me confront my ex-boyfriend the next day. It was time for a change.Â
Yes, there was love between us. We created so many memories together. But we never really completed each other’s jigsaw puzzles completely.
Now going back to the quote I started my article with, I think I held on for so long because I actually thought that without this boy, I would be nothing. And I am here to say, I was soooo wrong. I am becoming the best me there is. I am such a better person than I was. I am finding out that the middle of a jigsaw puzzle doesn’t have to be made up of just one person. There can be so many more people making it whole. I know that the man that will complete and fit my jigsaw is out there but until then I promised to only grow as an individual.Â
I will always love the guy. He will always hold a special place in my heart. But thanks to Daniel Sloss, the guy who I thought was my soulmate was an unhealthy attachment.Â
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