Self-love is defined as, “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic)”.
Growing up, self-love was my mantra before I knew the term. However, come 2014 when I was diagnosed with psoriasis (an autoimmune disease that affects the skin), my self-love turned into self-hate. I experienced many dark days where I didn’t even want to look in the mirror or meet new people because I was afraid of being judged for looking red, flaky, and swollen. I felt so alone and confused because I didn’t know why this was happening to me.
Fast-forward to now, one year later: I am still struggling with this disease, but I’m on the other side of the storm. After many blood tests and rounds of medications, I’m at the point where my skin is manageable and I’m finally able to focus on friends, family, school, work, and, most importantly, finding my happiness and confidence again. Throughout this journey, I’ve learned a lot about myself, and how to achieve self-love in difficult situations.
Before I share my revelations, please know that finding self-love doesn’t require an extreme situation like mine. We all have body, mental, and personal issues we can assuage with self-love, so don’t discount them. Self-love is good for you, and we all need to do it more often.
That being said, these are the 10 ways I achieved self-love! Do as many of these as you can or want in order to gain intrinsic happiness and confidence!
1. Be one with your body:
I conquered my self-consciousness by working out 3-5 days a week. I told myself, “sure my skin looks repulsive right now, but once it heals and I’ll be in good shape!” Working out also makes you feel happier eat healthier, and sleep better.
2. Use positive language
The mind is a funny thing. If you speak/think negative thoughts, you will start to notice and attract negativity. Simple semantic changes like saying “I will do well on this test with minimal studying” instead of “I won’t do well on this test because I didn’t study enough” can make a huge different in your attitude. I tell myself that I will get better, and it makes me feel less worried about the current state of my skin.
3. Keep a journal
This one is pretty straightforward: documentation shows progress. I have journals that date back to sixth grade, which makes it easy to track how much I’ve improved as a human. Especially in times of distress, journaling acts as a positive outlet and proof that you’re successfully conquering your struggles.
4. Take pictures
Similar to journaling, pictures show progress, too. In my case, I made sure to take pictures when I was feeling really good about my skin so I could remember those happy feelings. I also took pictures of my skin when it was really bad so I could track improvement from that point on. Remember: you don’t always have to post pictures of yourself online! Sometimes it’s nice to keep them to yourself.
5. Surround yourself with inspiration
Because I’m an artist and graphic designer, I feel really good when I’m inspired. My room was filled with design work that made me happy. I also hung lights in my room, played music, and wrote motivational messages to myself. When your surroundings are positive and enjoyable, you will feel as such.
6. Rid yourself of toxic relationships
Similar to surrounding yourself with what you like, you need to abandon what makes you unhappy. Some relationships need to end in order for you to move forward or simply focus on yourself. Ditch toxic relationships for the sake of yourself and ask them to respect your decision. They will understand.
7. Learn something new
When you learn something new, you prove to yourself that you are capable of anything. For me, I learned how to hula-hoop dance. Similar to #1, hooping was a great way for me to connect with my body and express myself. Hooping keeps me distracted from my skin, and it’s a skill I can continuously work on.
8. Do something you’ve always wanted to do
Taking risks and crossing something off your bucket-list is another achievement that proves you are in control of yourself. As for me, I got a nose piercing and cut my hair short. It feels great!
9. Take care of something else
Knowing you are responsible for the development of something else gives you a sense of worth and can help you love yourself. This can be done in many ways: babysitting, taking care of an animal or pet, growing flowers, or volunteering. I did something as simple as planning a flower seed in a Prego jar of soil. It did wonders for my happiness to see flowers grow because I took time to water it and care for it.
10. Treat yo-self
Of course I need to make a Parks and Recreation reference—but this one is true! When you do good things for yourself, like buy a new dress or eat fro-yo, you will feel better about yourself. You deserve to do things that make you happy! Just make sure your only source of happiness doesn’t come solely from buying new things.
All in all…
Whether you try these tips or discover a new way to find self-love, just know that things do get better. Struggles test us, but they also turn us into stronger and wiser beings. In all that you do, do them with love for yourself and for life.
You are enough.