If you’ve ever set just a sneaker-ed toe inside Cal Poly’s Rec Center, you’ll have met one or more those people…
1. The Girl Who’s Not Aware She’s at the Gym
Everyone around her is drowning in body fluids (sweat, tears, blood…); meanwhile, this girl is as composed and put-together as when she arrived. She’s definitely moving, but there’s no sign it’s taking any toll on her body: her pony-tail remains perky and her shirt stays sweat-free. Either she’s “fake-working-out” (i.e. putting the elliptical on a level so low your grandma would laugh, and texting for an hour) or she’s just incredibly fit. You’ll never know unless you glance at her machine settings, which brings us to the next type…
2. The Nosy B**** Who Judges How Hard You’re Working
Unfortunately, everyone comes across this particular species of gym-goer at last once during their Rec career. You’re panting on the treadmill, desperately counting down the minutes till the torture ends, when suddenly, you notice the person next to you blatantly examining your pace, incline, and time remaining. Uh, since when did the Freedom of Information Act apply to work-out details?!? It’s even worse when, after seeing how you’re doing, they smugly punch the buttons on their machine so they’re going harder than you. The whole scenario is very Fast and Furious: they’re fast and you’re furious.
3. The Girl Who Makes Everyone Else Look Bad
Each fitness class has one: a girl who, by perseverance or pure luck, is either as good or better than the teacher. She picks a spot super near the front (almost like she’s leading—which she kind of is) and does whatever the teacher does with an intensity usually reserved for political debates and food-eating contests. During water breaks, she’ll chat happily with the instructor; they’re on first-name basis, obvi. If it’s Pilates, she’s the girl who can flawlessly execute the most advanced ab exercises; if it’s Zumba, she dances like Shakira on speed; if it’s yoga, she’s practically balancing on one toe-nail while maintaining deep breathing. She should just leave already before our self-esteem suffers even more.
4. The Old Lady Who Hasn’t Been a Girl for a Long, Long Time
If you’re a, ahem, mature woman who still has the physical capacity—not to mention the willpower—to get your cute old lady butt to the gym even though you’re nearing your “sunset years,” then you deserve endless applause and showers of Nike capris. Or whatever the old person equivalent of Nike is. These women are the most fun to watch. They tackle every exercise with ferocious concentration, even when that’s lifting 2-lb barbells. (Seriously, look at their faces. They don’t smile.) They are definitely the types of old ladies that you see on TV, triumphantly explaining how they beat up that mugger instead of handing over their handbag. Basically, the Betty Whites of the Rec Center.
5. The Girl Wearing Lululemon’s Latest Collection
Her shirt looks familar; oh yeah, you were lusting over it on the Lulu website. And wait, aren’t those the new yoga pants with the special, limited-edition pattern waistband and special pockets everywhere, including by your knee and near your hipbone? (Admit it, the Lululemon obsession with sprinkling pockets on every square inch of material is getting out of hand.) Then you realize her Lululemon sweat-wicking headband, positioned to show off the logo, naturally; the Lululemon tote bag (with some sort of cutesy, play-on-yoga-words name like “Om My Way”); the Lululemon water bottle; and even the weird Lululemon socks that look like normal socks but cost twice as much. Not that you’d check, but you’re almost positive she’s wearing the Lululemon underwear. Her whole outfit costs a third of our tuition, but that’s cool.
6. The Girl Who Does It All
This category of girls drives me crazy, mostly because I’m so jealous of their abilities. They hop on a machine, whip out their textbook/notebook/iPad, and then proceed to STUDY while they WORK OUT for THIRTY MINUTES OR MORE. Excuse me? Do you not realize you are doing two totally non-fun things at the same time? I watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians while I work-out, and it’s still hard to motivate myself! In the case of these girls, the universe clearly messed up its skill allocation. Sometimes I have the irrational urge to stomp over to them, grab their flash-cards, and throw them into the air while shouting, “You’re trying wayyy too hard, watch some mindless TV like the rest of us!”