The fact that women have to put up with a lot of criticism really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Each day, we’re faced with an endless spectrum of double standards and unrealistic expectations when it comes to how we look, speak and act. We’re constantly being evaluated, and therefore must constantly be on our toes for fear of being judged or looked down upon.
Most of us know this is a problem, so why do we contribute to it?
Put simply, it’s a product of the way we’ve been raised, the images we see and the way others treat us. We’ve become inclined to judge girls harshly as a result of the beauty-obsessed and misogynistic society that grooms us to be both critical and insecure. The resulting hypercriticism, or “girl hate,” is a tendency deeply ingrained in many of us — but, without a doubt, that behavior can be changed.
As with most bad habits, the first step to stopping harmful behavior is realizing you’re doing it in the first place.
1. Take note of when you call someone a “bitch” or “slut”
As Tina Fey exasperatedly explained at the end of “Mean Girls,” when women call other girls “sluts”, it makes it okay for guys to call women “sluts.” At their core, these words are used to shame women for being sexually active or aggressive, which are traits that happen to be celebrated in those with XY chromosomes. Also realize when you use “bitch” or “little girl” as an insult towards a guy. Is a little girl really the worst thing a man can be? Realize that these types of gendered insults perpetuate harmful double standards when used derogatively towards both men and women.
2. Pay close attention to the negative stereotypes used to portray women in the media
Many negative connotations of women stem from the images we see every day. The one-dimensional stereotypes we see in all forms of media make it appear that women are vapid, shallow, and can’t get along with each other. Don’t buy into it! Female friendships are extremely powerful bonds that are rarely depicted in popular movies and television shows. Conversely, women who don’t get along aren’t necessarily catty. Women are people, and sometimes people just don’t get along! Choose not to support TV shows, movies, companies or publications that contribute to these stereotypes.
3. Realize when you apologize for your own femininity
Too often women are embarrassed for liking things that are girly, as if there’s something inherently wrong with being a girl. Likewise, sometimes women feel the only way to succeed is by acting masculine. You can wear a dress and still kick serious butt! Challenge others’ perceptions of what femininity and success mean.
4. Keep track of how much time you spend on social media criticizing other girls
We’ve all been guilty of it at some point or another, but social media can be toxic if all you’re doing is judging other girls’ photos. We’ve been trained to judge just about every aspect of a woman’s appearance, when we know better than anyone that those standards are impossible to live up to. This behavior is harmful to your own self-esteem, too. Constantly comparing yourself to other girls leads to nothing but dissatisfaction. Give them a break, give yourself a break and just “like” a cute photo instead of analyzing it for flaws.
5. Tell a woman in your life that you think she’s amazing
Whether it is your mom, a sorority sister, a professor or a girl in amazing heels walking uphill and still looking fabulous, don’t be shy! Spread the love and see how great it feels.