Chicago. Something about getting the first glimpse of the Sears Tower when you’re coming in from the highway is so innately light. Something dull gets bright, something stuck breaks free, and I don’t think I noticed how much pride I had for my city until I left it.
I think Californians criminally misunderstand Chicago, and vice versa. So, in this article, I want to clear up some of the misconceptions, and do the most automatic thing for a fish out of water to do: compare and contrast the two places until I feel at home again.
The Food
I miss how serious Chicagoans are about our food. I can’t say that Chicago food is necessarily better than San Luis Obispo food, but I can say for sure that Chicagoans tolerate food they don’t like much less. Take for example, Portillo’s. Portillo’s is a staple of Chicago cuisine – Chicago dogs, cake shakes, cheese-fries, absolutely massive portions. What more could a god-fearing Chicagoan ask for? The restaurant has been a crowd favorite since 1963, but when management turnover made the food (let’s face it – slightly) worse, every family I know abandoned it like it was the Sox side during a crosstown game (Sox fans, where do you get off?).
One major misconception about Chicago is that deep dish is king. As someone who’s lived in and around Chicago for my entire life, I’ve probably had deep dish pizza 3 times. I think deep dish is just one of our most unique foods, more than it’s our most popular. In reality, almost everyone I know eats tavern style, thin crust pizza with ranch. On this note, moving to SLO made me realize how Midwestern ranch dressing is. How does anyone eat here?
The People
I’ve tried to be patient, but y’all talk so slow! I feel like I get in 3 sentences for every 1 sentence my Californian friends do. I also have a theory about it: as mentioned later in the Weather section, I don’t know any Illinoisans (ill-i-noy-ins) that wear a coat consistently. I think we talk fast because we dress indoors and would probably catch hypothermia or frostbite if we didn’t.
I’ve also noticed such a difference between Chicago and Cali humor. I feel like Chicago humor is to say the most cynical and dramatic thing possible. For example: “I got lost on Lower Wacker and now I might as well just pack up and move because I live in Little Italy now.” The more hyperbolic and psychotic, the better. Whereas in California, everyone just lies. My first week here, a guy convinced me he was a D1 basket weaver. I’ve never been so confused.
The Weather
If you’re living in SLO, I think you’re already halfway prepared for Chicago weather. In both towns, you can experience the worst of all four seasons in just one day. You might leave the house in a parka and come back in a Speedo. The only hurdle you might have to jump is the winter.
Chicago winter is what you get if hell literally freezes over. You can’t leave your house without feeling the wrath of whipping wind, biting cold, frozen sidewalks that you wipe out on about 5 days per week, and secretly frozen roadways (black ice). Your skin is dry, your eyes are itchy, you’re always sick, and getting in your car is a huge hassle. You’re freezing, but carrying around a coat and snow boats all day is worse than frostbite. Ice skating and sledding only barely make up for the absolute headache of shoveling. I think Chicago winter is pretty much the same thing as hazing – we use it to initiate people, and it brings us all closer together. We’re always complaining about it, but we also love to wake up to snow.
The Pride
Through all of the differences, there’s a common thread between Chicago, Cali, and almost everywhere else in the world: pride. Just like Chicago, I meet so many people that are proud to be from California, proud to belong somewhere, proud to have inside jokes with everyone else who shares their hometown. The further I go from Chicago, the more I see how similar we all are. Our roots naturally define us, and no matter how cold or windy they are, our pride follows us wherever we go.Â
Bonus!
In the interest of creating an understanding between the two places, I would be remiss if I didn’t share some Chicago spirit. After consulting my relatives and a few articles, here’s the most important things to know about the Windy City:
Dropping the Chicago Lore
If you ever need to sound like a local, here are a few truths that every Chicagoan knows by heart:
- Chicago isn’t called the Windy City because of our high winds (though we have those too). It’s actually because our politicians are “full of hot air” (according to a popular reporter in the late 1800s).Â
- As the story goes, the Great Chicago Fire was started when a cow tipped over a lantern. In reality, the fire’s cause is still unknown, though it did start on the O’Leary farm. Another fire fact to keep in mind is that the rivers caught on fire because of how polluted they were.
“Late last night when we were all in bed, Mrs. O’Leary left her lantern in the shed. And when the cow knocked it over, she winked her eye and said: ‘There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight’.”
Mrs. O’Leary’s Cow, a well-known song about the Chicago Fire
- If you’ve been on the weirdly popular riverboat architecture tour, you’ll know that one of our most notable buildings is the Marina City parking complex, which is based on a corn cob (a little on-the-nose for the Midwest). Our biggest and prettiest building, the Sears tower, was made to resemble a pack of cigarettes that belonged to the architect.
Chicago Vocabulary
- Chi-town: pronounced shy-town, not chai-town
- Illinois: pronounced ill-i-noy, not ill-i-noise.
- Sears Tower: not the Willis Tower, under any circumstances; we’re still in denial that it got bought out
- Lower Wacker (the lost world): The issue with Lower Wacker is that you go in so confident, only to miss your turn (there’s a place to turn just about every block) and lose signal with the GPS. The only thing I know to be true in this world is that if you dare to enter Lower Wacker, it will chew you up and it will not spit you out in the neighborhood you want to be in.Â
- Tornado Warning / Tornado Watch: Since we’re in Tornado Alley, all Chicagoland residents know the difference. “Watch” is the good one; It basically means there’s tornado-producing conditions. “Warning,” on the other hand, means a tornado has touched down in your county. And while that sounds terrifying, we get a tornado warning just about every week where I’m from. The only way you can get most Midwesterners in their basement is if the tornado knocks on their door.
- Affy Tapple: I honestly don’t know if taffy apples (the inverse of its tongue-twister brand name) are a thing outside of the Midwest but they are so unbelievably good. An apple, caramel, peanuts, and a stick – the makings of the quintessential autumnal Chicago treat.
- Giordano’s/Lou Malnati’s: Pizza done right. If you want to sound like a local, order tavern style pizza from Giordano’s, or a deep dish from Lou Malnati’s.Â
- B-Dubs: You can imagine my surprise when I found out that not only does Buffalo Wild Wings not have the same nickname in the West, but also that no one goes there. There’s one within 20 minutes of SLO, and half of my friends had never heard of it. Do yourself a favor: order wings with medium sauce at B-Dubs once a month just for posterity.
The Best Place to Be in the City
If you find yourself in Chicago in the Winter, they light a massive tree in Millennium Park that I think everyone should see before they die. Extra points if you go ice skating next to it!Â
Where I am now
“When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump, otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life”
Abel Morales, A Most Violent Year (2014)
In my cross-country move, I’ve learned that who you are has a lot to do with where you are. Sometimes I feel like I’m speaking a different language than my Californian friends — I talk fast, I’ve never heard of overnight oats, I’ve never seen a wildfire. But I think feeling so different from the people around me has made it that much easier to learn about myself. Despite all of the differences between Chicago and California, I think “jumping” was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
