Going to college is a time of self-development and growth. The autonomous nature of being in college allows us, possibly for the first time ever, to grow entirely on our own. It is not uncommon to come out of college a somewhat different or even transformed person from when you started. We learn many more lessons than what is taught in a classroom; we gain an understanding of our identity, relationships and friendships, values, interpersonal skills, and more. However, sometimes growing also means outgrowing certain things, people, and friendships.
The process of growing, and outgrowing, is difficult because change is uncomfortable, but it is also necessary. Growth is not linear and there is no clear direction. It can also feel confusing and overwhelming. Growth is messy because humans are messy; we constantly make mistakes and have to pick up the pieces. But the good news is – growing is all about making mistakes, learning from them, and coming out a more developed, well-rounded, and knowledgeable person than before.
College can be an incredibly exciting time full of new people and experiences, but it can also be extremely difficult both emotionally and socially. It’s hard to navigate friendships and form deeper connections while also prioritizing taking care of yourself and what you need to become the best version of yourself.
Before college, friendships most of the time centered around common interests, especially extracurricular activities, such as being on the same sports team or having the same academic interests. Friendships in high school were somewhat more convenient because your friends were more likely peers who you shared the same activities with. But as we approach adulthood, the way we form friendships shifts from common interests and activities to deeper interpersonal values. However, this can be hard to differentiate at first, especially in your first or second year of college, making it not uncommon to “fizzle” out of certain companionships throughout your college years.
It is almost easier to form friendships in your first year of college because it is similar to the way we have been used to making friends. You all live in the same dorms, eat at the same places, and, for the most part, enjoy doing the same fun activities on the weekends because everything is new and exciting for everyone in their first year of college. However, as we grow older during our time in college, the things we once enjoyed doing might change, and we start to gain a better understanding of our own identity and the values that come along with that. This affects the people that we want to have around us and spend our time with, and those people might be different from the friends we made in the dorms or who we went to parties with. Although this is an incredibly common experience in college, it is still hard to navigate and something that many of us probably still struggle with.
You are allowed to outgrow people and the things you once enjoyed in your process of growing. This is hard for many of us because we feel guilty about leaving certain things and people behind, but if the process were easy, there wouldn’t be growth. And if you feel yourself outgrowing the people around you, don’t shrink yourself down to stay in your comfort zone because those feelings are normal and healthy in your journey of self-development. That being said, everyone is on their own journey, and just because we have outgrown people, doesn’t mean those relationships won’t come back either; sometimes people are just at their own pace of growth. There is no growing without outgrowing, and we can still be grateful for all the people we have met who have impacted our lives in some way, even if those connections are not meant to last.
Growth is a natural part of life, especially in such a transformative time like college. It is a process that is unclear, messy, uncomfortable, lonely, and takes time but is ultimately extremely rewarding. When it comes to opportunities to grow, we can either choose to evolve or stay the same. Especially in college, change will come either way, and we can decide to grow with it or be stuck in the same mindset. Growth is a risk because outgrowing is not an easy feat, but it is about embracing the discomfort and change in order to develop into the person you are meant to be.