House Hunting: How to be Friends but not Roommates

College is the time for roommates. Starting as a freshman, one is typically assigned a roommate, and for the following four years living alone is essentially not an option. Whether it be for financial reasons or not wanting to live alone, living with roommates is the university way of life, but picking roommates is not always easy. 

Going random can be scary. You don’t know how your personalities will mesh; you don’t know if they will steal your belongings; you don’t know how they live in their personal spaces. Yet, living with someone random can sometimes be less dangerous than living with friends. 

When choosing to room with friends, expectations are set right off the bat. Whenever you hang out its fun, it’s exciting, why wouldn’t that extend into your living quarters, right?

However, many seem to forget the fact that at the end of the day you have your room to go back to after hanging out with friends. You get to have your own space. There isn’t the shared spaces of a living room, kitchen, or bathroom, and you don’t know your friends’ habits in those areas. 

They could be messy or have different methods or time-lines to caring for those spaces than you do, which, once you’re already living together, can be difficult to adjust to. 

If you disagree, tensions can arise, arguments can commence, and the friendship is suddenly put at risk. 

So here is my controversial opinion: it is ok to be friends, and not roommates. 

If you love someone, but are concerned about living with them, tell them. If they are rational, yes their feelings might get hurt, but they will understand that you are doing what is best for both you. By doing this, you are putting the friendship first.

You are telling them that you care too much about them to potentially jeopardize the strong relationship you have built and want to continue to foster it. There is nothing wrong with that. 

Some people are simply better off as friends, but in order for the friendship to survive, personal space and time is critical. Every friendship is different and has different needs, and some need time apart.

Now, I am not saying this is applicable to all friendships, and that you shouldn’t live with your friends. I live with three of my best friends now, and after working through the kinks, I love it, but I know that I have other friends that I could never live with. 

This does not mean I care about them any less, or regard them any differently, but I know my limits. I know what I can handle and what is best for us to continue being friends, and living together is not it. 

There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first in this situation. Where you live and call home is suppose to be your safe space and if living with someone you’re worried about, even if they are a friend, could risk your feelings of comfort, don’t do it. This is where it is okay to be selfish and if they are truly your friend, then they will understand that. 

• friends
• house
• house hunting
• roommates